There used to be a time when friendships meant spending time together – hanging out, going out or simply walking around. These days most of my friends are either engaged or married. Thus, they hardly find even 5 minutes a week to catch up. This is an alarming trend in my view. Being totally closeted with only 1 person all the time is fine for a while. It may even be necessary in the beginning – a necessary evil. It might be an addiction to 1 person, a direct consequence of being in love. But eventually, there is the necessity to bond with a larger set of people, to expand your horizons, ideas and experiences.
Some of my friends might think the same fate awaits me once I get hitched. I know that will not be the case! In fact, I do have other friends who socialize as a couple, not in isolation. That’s definitely the way to be!
I’ve observed this habit among most couples who’re newly coupled. In the hostel too, the guy who used to be in love with the girl took on shades of the girl. He missed out totally on every other happening in the guy’s block. He knew all about what’s going on in the girl’s block (GB)!
This might be common among couples in love or doing the courtship routine. That is fine, since it only lasts for a brief period. But for married folks, this disturbing trend cannot continue for long, since marriage is a lifetime event. In my parents’ days, I’d observed that there was a healthy socializing among friends. Today’s world has changed perhaps for the worse. Maybe girls today are too demanding and attention seeking. It could be the result of long hours spent away from home either working or commuting. It could be the influence of Western society, where people have to actually ‘work’ to keep their marriage intact. It could be all that bull shit about ‘personal space and time’. What ever it is, the dynamics are against traditional Indian set up of society.
Another incidence showcasing the same is: How many of you actually call friends & family before visiting them? It’s fine to call to check if they’re home. But calling to check if they’re ‘free’ to meet… that’s unheard of. Guests used to always be welcome at home. In my house, they still are, even with changing times. The surprise element of meeting a long lost friend who just turns up at home is gone. Thanks in part to SMS, cell phones, Orkut & such non personal means of networking.
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3 comments:
Hey, Anand.. this is a very good post. Something that has been going through my mind too.
Actually the lack of socialization as a couple might have other reasons too. One which I can think of immediately( because I am a victim of it).. is that you hardly get to meet your spouse during the weekdays... and the weekend is the only time you can catch up. There, priorities come up. Spend time with your friend, or go to that family function which you cannot miss attending? Spend time with your friends, or finish that pending work (electricity/tailor/electronic repair/house cleaning/etc).
In the perfect world, I wouldn't like anything better than socializing as a couple... you get to spend time with your spouse, as well as interact with other people. Maybe if we are really inclined, even now it is possible. But we just need to get our priorities right.
@Shruthi,
Thanks.. good to know I'm not isolated in thinking these things :-)
As I said, time is getting to be a big problem, especially on week days with long work hrs (8 is long isnt it!!) & long commutes to match! Weekends just fly away before you can bat your eyelid.
What then is the solution? One of the best opportunities is on outstation trips/ treks, how ever long they might be. Since most ppl don't travel in isolation, this is indeed a great chance to socialize in a group.
Coincidentally, just yday, we went for dinner to a friend's house with her and her husband, and have one planned soon, with another friend and his wife. Yday was fantastic... and I am looking forward to the next time we do this.
And yes, an outing is a great idea!!
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