Winds of change

My new year resolution finally came true. It took me nearly 2 years to break down the barriers I'd put around me. When I first relocated to India, I was averse to working in the software/ IT industry, primarily because I had a Masters, journal publication, research experience and so on - merely reasons to convince others. But the real reason was, I didn't want to be one among the masses and was fearful of total disrespect the industry has for work-life balance. Over the past 2 years there has been a change of heart though the conditions haven't really changed externally. Opportunities for research are still very limited in Bangalore, especially in the private sector. Those that really do great r&d don't recruit a non-PhD, the vice-versa being true too. Thus, I'd been caught unawares belonging to neither group fully. I had merely followed the stream of events that led me to specialize in an obscure branch of knowledge that is quite unmarketable without core software skills! On careful analysis of my personality, I found that I'm not even the type that can dedicate decades to solving one single problem, which is the profile of a true researcher. That being said, I thoroughly enjoyed the past few years in research.

There have been a lot of learnings from this job, which I'll soon be done with. Setting time bound goals is crucial. This necessitates creating desires artificially, even if I don't feel like it. All this is due to the mad rat race & fiercely competitive environment. In a running race, if you take the break to enjoy the scenery, you not only don't finish among the top, if there're too many people running frantically, you also run the risk of being run over in a stampede! The other important take away is to always be diplomatic. Never express what's on your mind instantly, however important & urgent you think it is. Always hide your true intentions, at the cost of putting on a mask. Even if you're stabbing somebody with a knife, the person should feel you're doing him a favor. After all, the life that one leads isn't remotely related to one's true nature anyway. The other lesson is to give the higher-ups a great impression of oneself, even if it is as mundane as staying late just to appear busy and the 'hard-working' type. Of course, true worth will always shine through, but why make things tougher by being modest! My favorite quote here is 'perception is reality to that person'. How true! If only everybody understood this, there would never be any quarrels. Some of this runs contrary to the intuitive feeling of what constitutes highly ethical and moral behavior (sathwick qualities). As long as the intentions are good & there is a solid inner spiritual strength, these will merely be like flakes of snow melting in the sun.

All in all, there are no regrets whatsoever, only a multitude of experiences. I've immensely enjoyed the journey so far, even if it means branching off to alien lands now. I have created concrete desires which might seem too ambitious, but like the heavy stone sinking to the bottom without getting carried by the current, these will eventually hit their mark. Once you hold something as accomplished in your mind and believe very firmly in it, it is merely a matter of time before it actually happens. This approach combined with the Bhagavad Gita philosophy of detaching yourself from actions and not craving for results is a great way of balancing material progress with spiritual growth.