Myriad mirages and more

Why visit a temple?

2010-03-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

Looking back, it appears very strange, somewhat unbelievable that for so many decades of my life I never experienced first hand the real significance of temples. It is only of late that the presence of God is distinctly felt when I visit temples. It is so real, even more real than looking at somebody with one’s own eyes. This first started at that great pilgrimage center of Tiruvannamalai, in Ramanasramam, where I distinctly felt like a fish immersed in water, the ocean of bliss. I felt like I was swimming in the nectar of Satchidananda. All thoughts were perfectly stilled without effort. It was a natural state of being, incredibly joyous. But what was so obvious to me was not necessarily experienced by everyone. Many visitors just came in, saw the place, sat for sometime, talking loudly & then just left. No doubt there would’ve been an impact on everyone, irrespective of one’s awareness of the changes, but such a beautiful experience must be fully experienced with one’s attention focused on it. Some people argue that God exists everywhere, so why go to a specific place of pilgrimage such as a temple. This is akin to telling a thirsty man to imbibe water vapour from the atmosphere, since there is always moisture in the air! The fact is undeniable that water exists in the atmosphere, but we’re not fitted to draw moisture from the air directly into our bodies. Likewise, the vast majority of us are incapable of feeling the presence of God everywhere. So, in the beginning, we must go directly to the water source of consciousness to quench our thirst. The field of consciousness in the manifested creation is of non uniform density throughout space. Thus the positive force field is very strong at some places, but negative or weak at other areas. There can be a small grain of particle or a stone image or a tree or anything really – size being immaterial, which can be powerful enough to alter the minds of people by its force field. In fact even the holy river Ganga is said to be truly a blessing from God for the salvation of mankind. Some of my friends have attested to its holy presence – while bathing in the Ganga, their thoughts became naturally stilled. The effect was so profound with one person, that he said he could not concretely remember every moment of bathing in the Ganga. This is because the mind had merged completely with the self during those moments, so while the mind became active again there were no impressions to again bring forth!

Thus, it is not hard to understand why temples & other holy places were at the center of the Hindu civilization in olden times. In those days, whenever one was afflicted with negative energy, sad thoughts, untoward incidents in life or just needed the intuitive guidance of a higher being, temples served as power centers where one could tune into an uplifting presence. Such knowledge about their significance is now lost to the progressive, modern culture. It is indeed a matter of shame that even in the holiest land of India which is said to be the spiritual capital of the whole world, many people scoff at age old rituals merely because their scientifically inquisitive mind has no explanation. Such rationalists need to wait for the Satya Yuga when all this will be common knowledge in the so called ‘scientific’ way to be understood by the vast majority. For those who cannot wait for many millennia, there is a most detailed, cohesive explanation by Osho on the internet, which one can access by searching Google for “Alchemical Secrets of Places of Holy Pilgrimage”. But mere reading will not suffice. There is absolutely no substitute for first hand, repeatable experience.
And what is it with auspicious days? I have clearly felt on days such as Shivaratri, Krishna Janmashtami or Ramanavami that there is a much more purified & powerful presence of God saturated throughout creation, not just temples. Of course, on such days temples become even more exalted. One slowly understands there must be some meaning to all the madness of standing in long queues, jostling with one another & sweating it out just to get a glimpse of a ‘stone image’!

Having been endowed with free will, it is our responsibility to uplift our consciousness constantly. One of the easiest ways to do it is to regularly visit a temple where we feel the divine presence. Like the water from an ocean rushing into the water in a small cup & replacing that dirty water in the cup with the ocean’s own water, the consciousness of God completely cleanses our very being down to the depths of our subs consciousness. This also serves as a means of satsang, which is the company of truth. Since it is very hard to find the company of holy people steeped with spiritual splendor in our daily life, temples are an easy way of achieving this. Imagine for a moment how difficult it must be to find a truly holy man’s time for satsang everyday, in the midst of a materialistic society in a bustling city! Likewise, imagine how easy it is to find a temple, irrespective of where you are. Different temples may have differing powers of manifestation. For instance the world famous temple in Tirupathi has an awesome magnetic presence, but the sad part there is one cannot spend more than 10 seconds with the blessed deity. On the other hand, we must also strive to directly make contact with the divine being, irrespective of where we are. This can be by any of the standard means of purifying the mind. It also helps remove the dirt in one’s mind so that the blessings can be poured in readily. This way, we take the first baby steps towards seeing God everywhere, independent of location. One’s aura or energy field or consciousness expands & gets purified.

Where does all this eventually lead us to, at the pinnacle of human evolution? One becomes a perfect channel for the divine presence to be expressed in everyday life. Just like in the beginning one benefits from the presence of a Master or a temple, likewise, at the end of the journey other people benefit from one’s evolved state of being. When the nectar fills up, the bees are attracted! In that state, there are absolutely no selfish motives & one’s actions cannot be logically explained. Everything flows effortlessly, by the self, for the self, of the self!

Today and forever

2009-08-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

A spark in the annals of time,
When the gust from the past
Brings forth a plethora of possibilities
Gushing forth like the rapid river in spate
On whose bows the boatman rows
Wafting hither, thither, as she whims.
At every periodic twist and turn
Bestowing order to illusory chaos
T’is the hour for the hoary helmsman
To beseech her, who moves earth and wind
Why I am rowing?
Why I am?
Why I?
Why?

This is a poem I wrote for a birthday gift. Normally poems should be self explanatory, but people may just get the general gist without grasping all the subtle nuances & deeper meanings. So I’ll attempt to explain the intent & imagination behind this poem.

Today and forever:
This is to be reflected starting from today, the birthday and go on forever. Alternatively, the bend in the river happens today, but the river flows forever in a continuous manner.
A spark in the annals of time, when the gust from the past brings forth a plethora of possibilities:
Every soul that has ever existed was created at some point in time, no one knows when. That moment is referred to as a spark – often times a spark is just a momentary occurrence, but it creates a fire that can rage on for a long time, doing many things - some wonderful, some disastrous. Likewise it is the gust that carries the spark & creates the raging fire, i.e., an individual soul encased in ignorance. One often wonders why one had to be created, to be told that it is all just God’s play where, in the end he wants us to unite with him. The other meaning of gust from the past is that every life is a continuation from the past life. The wind that blows, its intensity, direction, etc is determined by the past & influences the future possibilities. Thus, when one is born in this world or another, the prarabdha karma of fruits waiting to ripen already exist.

Gushing forth like the rapid river in spate, on whose bows the boatman rows, wafting hither, thither, as she whims:
Being born as explained earlier, the life force flows rapidly like the mighty river. This is true of certain individuals, while others may like the mere trickle of water, hardly flowing. In any case, it is wrong to construe the whole river to be an individual soul. In fact that represents the entire sum of life forces in existence. It is impossible to separate certain drops of water or certain currents, from others & from the river itself. The boatman represents the ego, thinking itself to be the doer. We struggle, strive hard all our lives in chasing dreams, laughing when we achieve them & crying when we don’t. It is bondage worse than a prisoner in gallows for life. In fact, though the boatman rows hard & thinks it is he who is guiding the boat here & there, the reality is that the river of life herself is the doer & she carries the boatman according to her wishes. Perhaps the rowing of the boatman often only makes matters worse – in his ignorance he may smash against a rock! Thus it is with life that one has to sit back, follow the flow of life & just enjoy the whole show without giving rise to new desires, but just allowing the prarabdha to run its course.

At every periodic twist and turn, bestowing order to illusory chaos, t’is the hour for the hoary helmsman, to beseech her, who moves earth and wind:
The periodic twist & turn is the birthday! We humans keep assiduous track of time, as though it is something very tangible. Likewise, the twist & turn in the river is nothing more than an imaginary milestone. Perhaps it does nothing to the flow of the river, perhaps it does something. In any case, it is not very significant for the river herself, but for the boatman who keeps rowing it is a crucial ‘turning point’! It is believed by many people that the tracking of time by humans is what keeps us from going into a chaotic spin. However, just like the river would flow just the same if it were not for periodic twists & turns, the universe would go on irrespective of what we keep track of. It is for us, the boatmen of the world whose egoistic mind can easily go into a spin, that time & such other milestones become necessary. The hoary helmsman is the ancient ego – God alone knows how long it has existed & what phases it has passed through. Of course, in its last life in the journey, all that would be revealed. It is the boatman’s one and only duty to seek answers to some key questions from the river – the river whose flows moves the earth beneath (soil) and causes wind due to currents. It is every human beings’ only purpose in life to seek answers to such questions, not just intellectually, but to internalize them & develop complete awareness at every instant.

Why I am rowing:
This is a question seeking answers and it belongs to the realm of karma, doership. The seeker here questions as to why he is performing actions. The alternative is of course to not perform any action, which is impossible to do. Even an idle or lazy person has to perform actions to maintain his body – such as eating, sleeping, etc. This question therefore is easily answered, since there is no other alternative. It leads to a deeper question.

Why I am:
This is an existential question, referring to the ego ‘I’ and why it exists. The boatman here questions his very existence and whether it is necessary in the grand scheme of things. He then realizes that the river is necessary for the boatman, but not the other way round. In fact his separateness is a fictional entity. Thereby he is able to dissolve his identity & just follow the river, without trying to row here, there, wherever his mind leads him. Henceforth the questions & answers to the last 2 questions happen between the semblance of ego (like the burnt rope, or like a line in water – no division causing hindrance) & God. The answers are experiential & cannot be put into words.

Why I:
Here the ego has been dissolved and the ‘I’ refers only to the creation in its entirety. It refers to the eshwara loka, or prakruti, or the created universe. As to why there is creation, it is said that it is God’s play that arises spontaneously from Brahman, which forms the substratum or adhistana. Saguna Brahman arises out of Nirguna Brahman. Yet it is as real as the Nirguna Brahman. However, this can be experienced in various forms, such as love, peace, joy, etc.

Why:
This goes to the realm beyond the created world. The knowers of Brahman who are not incarnations of God, cast off their body within 21 days it is said. Those who climb to these heady heights usually cannot come back to their senses to tell the tales. It is only incarnations of God, or Ishwarakotis who can describe this state. However, it simply cannot be grasped at all. Nirguna Brahman which has no attributes – how can one understand that ever? One cannot even experience it, for Brahman alone is. Hence it is said that ‘Aham Brahmasmi’ which means the individual soul free of ignorance, verily is nothing different from the Brahman.

Blossoming beatitude

2008-09-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

As the sleeping bud awaits the dawn,
Cradling in its fold petals of potential,
Seeking life's light to bid adieu to yawn;

Thy shall be the resplendent flower of fruition,
Of a myriad mileu of delectable dreams,
Borne with expectant ecstasy by thine forewent dandelion!

A dream.. a revelation

2008-08-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

In my dream one night, I saw a milkman whom I found to be incredibly intelligent, knowledgeable and wise. Then I wondered in the dream why he is just a milkman. Can't he do wonders for the world - in terms of achievements etc? Then God, in his formless aspect answers to me that each person has a specific role to play in life and that through whatever activity one is doing, none of which should be considered high or low, the devotee shall be drawn towards God.

Phew, an incredible and deeply satisfying dream! Very true & graphically remembered the next morning!

It is very appropriate as well for me cause I often in my waking state wonder what profession would suit my abilities & attitude towards life. The answer comes out to be far from practical to survive in the day to day world. To add more flavour, this is compounded in recent times by the nagging, but not very worrying hand pain while working on the computer. Also, my chosen Ishta is the formless God that I worship & visualize. So this dream is really an answer to some deep queries.

While my faith isn't lacking, such experiences further deepen faith to quicken one's pace in spiritual progress, giving a boost towards becoming one with creation after truly breaking down the ego.

Can it be said the dream is unreal? According to vedanta from the perspective of Brahman both the world & the dream states are equally unreal. But most of us leading 'normal' lives aren't in that state of exalted blessedness. Hence it is safe to assume that both dream and the world are equally real from the sphere of perception that we observe them.

Why outsourcing is bad for India

2008-03-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

I always seem to be on the 'other side' of looking at so called 'progress'.

Being based in the UK and previously in the US, I recently had the chance to call my UK banker for some clarifications. As expected the call goes to a call centre in India. It is picked up by a chap who can barely manage to blabber a few words of English. But he has been put through a brain sucking training to remove his native Mallu accent and replace it with a stiff British upper lip. The result is hilarious at best, frustrating at worst. Language apart, the knowledge of banking processes was utterly miserable as well. I was put on hold for nearly half an hour twice, just to answer some simple queries. This experience of mine is not new - I've had the same delight each time I call up certain vendors in sections such as banking, insurance, etc.

Who's to blame here? The innocent young kids back home who want to make a fast buck, having dropped out of school even before they learn how to learn? Or, the global economy? Forget the blame, what happens will continue like a juggernaut - all we can do is debate.

Young people with impressionable minds are lured with the promise of hefty (relatively) salaries at an age when they barely can manage their meagre pocket money without squandering it. In the past, having an education was compulsory if you needed to succeed. Now there seem to be short cuts to fame and fortune. Who needs to cram volumes of Math, Science or History that seem practically irrelevant? With call centres recruiting people like cattle, being trained like sheep to all speak the same 'baaaah', it seems natural that anybody even slightly less gifted gets into this groove.

Its not just call centres, take software engineers for instance. Recruited immediately after their graduation, they are put through loads of training to kill their creativity, to make them conform to rigour and deliver the same block of code. It may be argued that where no 'opportunities' existed in the past for such people, there are opportunities galore to make a mark not just inside the country but in the global world. The result is that anyone and everyone may today rise to the very top, despite having nothing at the top of their body! Perhaps, the real world requires more than just intellectual skills - this does prove that success depends on attitude more than anything else.

But this is a deadly, dangerous trend developing in India. Take for instance the incentives that Government gives to attract talent for its defense, military, space and other internal work. For a hugely qualified individual, this amounts to a fraction of what a high school kid can earn working for global companies, in call centres, software code studios, etc. Who then has the motivation to study long and hard to master intricate subjects and put them to good use for the motherland? While all over the world, the focus is on India due to its fast economic growth, emergence of a new, larger middle class, positioning in the IT industry and so on, no where is it even highlighted in the media as to what happens to India's 'own' development!

All the great nations of the world operate in a push mode - pushing their products, services, technology to the less capable nations. It is simply knowledge in various forms flowing from a higher to a lower potential. By getting sucked into the whirlpool of outsourcing, India's potential and skillsets are sinking increasingly into a trench. This is simple for anybody to evaluate. How many cutting edge technology products indigenously (100%) developed in India are today widely sought after in the world market? Wouldn't it make every Indian proud, if for instance we had an equivalent of Toyota, Boeing, Google, Intel, etc born and incubated in India, to make a truly Indian company?! I was alarmed when I read that the Light Combat Aircraft (LCA) completion has been delayed by (hold your breath) SEVENTEEN years, from 1993 to 2010. Reasons are well known - technical knowhow inadequacy fuelled by bureaucratic hassles. I doubt India can produce its own aircraft even in 50 years. In some respects, though the GDP improves and so on, India remains atleast 100 yrs or more behind the advanced nations.

Since India is a developing nation the Government can only go a short distance in rewarding talent. This has been the case from decades. But with the advent of multinational companies with outsourced operations in India, this chasm between the Govt and private (global) company's pay packets has grown incredibly huge. This is mainly due to exploitation of the weak Indian Rupee against foreign currencies. I cannot foresee any scenario where droves of hugely talented and intelligent individuals feel motivated to serve the country.

In order to develop, there needs to be a period of incubation where globalization needs to be resisted. It is like this - think of a baby in the womb of its mother. If technology were to evolve to expose the baby even before development in the womb to the outside world, in the name of giving it a head start in learning, what would be the result? Similar is the case with a developing nation. In the formative years, there has been a very short period since independence, only 50 years to develop kickstart the advancement and walk out of the shadows of obedience to foreigners. Every advanced nation in the world today - think US, France, Japan, UK, Germany, China, etc - has had 100s of years or in some cases 1000s of years to make steady progress, albeit with small hurdles.

So my take is that we got the whole thing wrong - it is just a matter of fate and nothing can be done really. An ideal situation would have been one in which India develops its indigenous technology, without opening its economy much for atleast a few 100 years. This not only has the benefit of retaining talent, but also giving a sense of pride in being Indian and using Indian, without aping the west. This would have rebuilt the strong sense of cultural and religious identity that is part of the equation if an individual or a nation needs to succeed - without a foundation how high can one climb really?

Is it any wonder then, that even today after all the success India has achieved, for the most part, the rest of the world looks down upon India when it comes to creativity, scientific breakthroughs, innovation and such path breaking ways of progress? India is merely considered a huge pool of low cost labour with limited skills. With the rise in levels of globalization, this will further be reinforced as it leads to refocus of western labour force on value added breakthrough activities. It will then appear that India is doing even better, its GDP will continue improving, people will migrate all the more from the villages to the big cities and the general standard of living would raise further - this is currently happening too, but will continue at an accelerated pace. More and more foreign companies will infiltrate India not merely for labour markets, but to push their products and services into house holds even in villages. Meanwhile, indigenous products and cutting edge technology development inside the country will reduce even further.

When I reflect on this article, I sense a feeling of pessimism flavouring its tone. But going by the trend today, it appears that the country is on a downward slide and if that is true indeed, then we go further till we reach bottom on the downward cycle, before starting to ascend again and come out on the top! How does one decide whether India is on an upward trend or a downward spiral? Looking at technological progress this conclusion may be hard to arrive at, but when one looks at the foundation - the rich cultural, religious and spiritual heritage of India - then it becomes obvious that the foundation has eroded and will further diminish. Thus it is indeed true that India is riding on a negative slope, cause without the moral fabric of a strong indigenous culture, all other clothes become mere threads to be ripped apart by the slightest gale!

The nature of knowledge, role of mind in acquiring it and implications to life

2008-03-05T10:58:00.000-08:00

The mind by its very definition is nothing more than ignorance. As the level of ignorance varies, so does the person with that mind become the most knowledgeable entity in the world, or a total fool. Being limited in the sense that the mind arising out of the ego is not infinite, there is always a part that is outside the scope of the mind. In acquiring this, thus it is said that the mind has 'progressed' if this is for the benefit of some other entity. For instance organizational brain washing theory uses the refined word career advancement to address any knowledge acquired by the individual for the benfit of the company. In acquiring this knowledge it benefits the individual as well, since it benefits multiple companies thereby enlarging the scope of application.

Knowing that the mind is an inert entity, just how does it acquire knowledge of any form? Here again, knowledge is restricted to the world of illusions - knowledge of objects, events, etc, termed as lower knowledge. The mind is dependant for its existence on the light of the self or the infinite. It should be obvious that the infinite includes the mind (finite) and that the finite mind cannot exist by itself, without infinity for its support.

As a finite entity, though inert, the mind is not idle for sure. It constantly jumps around, interacts with other minds, objects (such as books for example) and keeps changing direction as life continues. It is convenient to visualize these aspects of the mind by personifying it as a river that flows. Think of zillions (uncountable really) of river currents flowing within the vast ocean. Really, the distinction between one current & the other is hard to verify as in some aspect or the other there is a definite connection between all.

In understanding the process of acquisition of knowledge, it is useful to know the nature of knowledge as well. It is well accepted and obvious that knowledge (even the lower form which we are concerned with) is infinite, existing by itself and needs no support of any kind. Definitely, knowledge does not depend on minds though it appears that a certain 'invention' has 'created' anew an object or a process. In essence, nothing is ever created new, but merely changed in form or function to appeal to the ignorance of the rest of the individuals as something 'new'. No doubt this is very useful to make a living.

There is a place for each individual in the vast ocean of life. This is determined by the type of knowledge each person acquires. Our living and roles in life are dictated by the limits of this knowledge. Our ability to interact with and help others is also to some extent dependant on being able to know what the needs of others are. Thereby, the flowing mind has to acquire the static and infinite body of knowledge that is ever present and complete. As the mind flows faster, deeper and for longer periods over certain domains of knowledge then the limited entity of the mind-body appears 'knowledgeable' because it is able to reproduce this knowledge quickly and coherently to another individual of repute (due to deeper, more coherent nature of this knowledge). This is a chain reaction or a pyramid structure, where the mind which has flown the deepest and fastest over the greatest amount of knowledge is considered most knowledgeable and spreads this awareness among a vast majority of people to be recognized as an 'expert'.

There are certain minds that can quickly flow deep into any part of the knowledge sphere, though it has never flow there. This is what is characterized as 'intelligence' - the ability to learn. Then there are other minds that are knowledgeable merely because they have flown in certain channels for long enough - this is the role of experience based learning over time.

Is knowledge really constant as assumed? The body of knowledge is constant at a fundamental level. The principles and nature of the rules governing it is definitely a constant. But having refined the knowledge in various ways, for instance to create an artificial object from known rules, the new object opens up and expands the sphere of knowledge. Think for example the invention of a simple gadget such as a computer mouse. Prior to its invention all the principles and rules to create that were already in existence - they have been so for ever. But post invention, the specific knowledge about how to create a mouse, to improve its technology, etc is new. In this sense the knowledge can be said to be varying at every instant, which doesn't make real sense as nothing is created new from ground up (atomic level or even subtler). To give a comprehensive picture, suffice it to say that if you define knowledge as the 'potential' to know something, then that is already inherent and hence never changes. But if you define it as actually one finite entity (like a human being) knowing something in particular, then that keeps changing. So, independent of finite entities & finite acquisitions of knowledge, knowledge itself is considered to be stand alone and constant through time and space.

Should the quality of living not improve as more and more knowledge is acquired by humans? This is obviously never true. Oft cited examples are invention of the atomic bomb, kalshnikov rifle, etc. Even a simple invention like the computer mouse, almost widely regarded as a breakthrough convenience invention, can cause much distress to a sizeable but growing section (repetitive strain victims!). Here rests the most important conclusion, that technology, human inventions, discoveries, etc, will NEVER be able to provide a better life than what was possible prior to these. An illustration - it may be said by some that air travel made life much easier, cutting short the time to go across continents which previously used to take ages. Then, this led to the necessity for other technologies - as more and more people made the journey to far off lands, the need arose for being able to keep in touch. Till this need was satisfied, there would be no respite for those that dared to make the journey. This led to other communication breakthroughs which made life simpler for travellers. Now there is the need to acquire these latest gadgets of communication - for which there is a need to earn more money adding fuel back to the need to travel to lucrative regions. Thus, there is no end in sight - it is nothing more than a vicious circle that seems to get better and better, but never really goes anywhere!

Most of us spend a major part of our lifetimes acquiring knowledge about all sorts of things - useful for a living, or otherwise. But what really needs to be done to stop swimming and be at once everywhere in this vast ocean? If the river current realises its mere illusory existence then the ocean is what remains. As awareness shifts away from the mind, then there is the possibility of knowing anything as and when required. This is the true meaning of 'sarvagna'. It is not one who knows everything, but one who can, if the need arises know anything! One is already a sarvagna but has to give up ignorance to realise and revel in that state.

Admiring the French

2008-01-03T12:39:00.000-08:00

Everybody has a thing to two to learn from the French, especially India and Indians. I still cannot stop admiring the arty French people and their living style. I have never seen such wonderfully preserved History and culture anywhere in the world, not that I've seen the whole world. But from what I know so far, I can tell they are incredibly proud and rightly so, of their heritage, their language, and they have no qualms standing up to the invasion of English into their lives. In France, there is a very harmonious blend of the latest technology (think blindingly fast trains for instance) with the ancient History - for example there are many towns where all the houses, pavements, etc are still in stone, as they were some 500 years ago!

India should take a leaf out of the French book. Though we stood up to the British invasion once upon a time, the culture and what India stands for is largely eroded today. No longer do we even realise the winds of change and the loss of ancient treasures. Shamefully, English is accepted to the extent that many feel ashamed to talk in their native languages, looking down upon their roots. Imagine what if we could uphold Sanskrit, and even today have our entire education, all our websites, books, etc in Sanskrit? How wonderful that would be! This is not far fetched when you look at France, Japan and such countries which are among the most advanced places, yet with millenia old traditions proudly surviving even today.

Another thing that's truly heartening to observe in France is their taste for art, and their slow paced, relaxed and enjoyable lifestyle. In fact, there is law prohibiting work > 35 hrs weekly! They have a lunch break for nearly 2 hrs, even in today's so called 'fast paced' world. And what do they have to show for it? Everything - progress in all its glory! The age old proverb 'slow and steady wins the race' comes to mind. Their taste in art, literature, gourmey cuisine, etc all go a long way in filling up their spare time fruitfully.

On the face of it, as a traveller we usually look for the best of what we see and a passing glimpse of the grass makes it look green, often with envy. But nevertheless, not withstanding a deeper analysis that may expose certain pitfalls of their society, the above are truly values that every culture needs to possess and emulate from the French!

WUI - writing under influence

2007-10-20T14:20:00.000-07:00

This is a disclaimer. It claims that most of these posts, especially the ones that resonate with the majority of people and find harmony at the deepest level, are written under influence. Under the influence of intoxicating subtances that make one forget about the false reality of the universe in its manifested form. Whether these are external in the form of physical liquids, solids, or internal, in the form of the joy that is ever inherent to oneself, sometimes discovered through external activities themselves or merely activities dependant on other factors is just a matter of coincidence.

In simple words, what this means is, there are many ways to dissolve the ignorance of the mind that brings forth the shining light of the self in its full glory even if momentary. This can be through the consumption of intoxicating substances which however leave a harmful side effect in the form of addiction, on the mind. Or, it can be in the form of certain practices like meditation, which again can run the risk of being addicted to the path than to strive for the end goal! It can even be as simple as a fulfilling achievement that causes the mind to dissolve itself the moment the object of attachment is attained, which is however momentary. Exercise can also cause this by releasing certain chemicals in the brain as the sense of self is expanded to include the sport being indulged in by the body. It is important to note that the true purpose of life that teaches through these experiences is to let one attain the highest state of mind, the true formless self, to ever experience such unhindered joy forever!

A favourite pasttime

2007-10-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

It was always an acitivity that used to give me great pleasure. To watch old kannada songs or atleast hear them somewhere, even if in the distance on a radio playing in the neighbouring apartment. Maybe it was becauase I'm an old fashioned guy who will never become 'with the times'. Maybe it is because as a kid my mom used to play the radio every morning and as I got ready for school these same songs used to play and strike a resonant chord with my heart. Maybe its because the old times are when life was un hurried, less hectic, full of romanticism - atleast one would like to associate a memory with more glorious times. Nevertheless, the video in these songs evokes some extremely fond memories of trekking in the western ghats with glorious views afar and soothing greenery nearby.

Now as I enter a new phase of life, I can imagine and put myself - again here, the 'self' is the much abused word used in ignorance to denote the body-mind complex, while it means the self of the universe and beyond in the real sense. Though, for transactional daily purposes especially in such mundance posts of desires, memories and the mind, I shall use it in the 'normal' sense of ignorance. So, continuing, I can put myself and my 'would be' in the picturisation of each of these songs - its really beautiful !

The current song I'm listening to is 'naaninna mareyalaare'... how can one forget the ones dear to oneself? I cannot help delving deeper than meets the eye to say how can one forget ones self. The 'I' ness is and will always be inherent, though in a mistaken sense mostly till the ignorance is given up! Another song which I now listen to now is 'nagunagutaa nee baruve'.... for the sake of a single liftetime, it is sufficient to assume one gets happiness from another person, the significant other with whom one spends an entire life. But what beyond the life? What about eternity? Thankfully, no ignorance can exist for ever and that is solace to us deluded individuals imagining ourselves to be mere mortals.
'eko eno eenanna manuvu uyaale anthe toogide' talks about the swinging nature of the mind. The mind is better known as the monkey mind, swinging between one thought or desire to another with no end in sight. Basically, all songs and all lyrics are outpourings of the mind, experiencing often the 'no mind' state that gives joy!

Shifting back, its good that technology for video streaming has improved to the extent that one can watch videos in low resolution without awaiting removal of jerkiness during buffering intervals. At the same time, at a broader reflection it is to be seen that the technology to 'keep in touch' with ones memories whether it is of songs, incidents, people, etc is only keeping pace, just about, with the technology to take people farther away than their minds could imagine!!! So, in some sense, if 'progress' didn't exist then nothing would be amiss, definitely not happiness!

In the hands of the unknown

2007-10-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

This year has been a roller coaster of unusual ups and downs. As I introspect I wish to be always positive and hopeful so I'll list down in chronological order, the upswings first:

1. I did a 10 day solo trip hiking some beautiful mountains surrounded by lakes. It was a near meditative experience being alone so long in such quiet, desolate places.

2. I got engaged to a very lovely girl of my dreams, though dreams and characters are never static!

3. I finally got a transfer to the group of my choice within my present company, something that had kept me on a painfully long wait due to bureaucratic processes

4. My parents visited me in a foreign land, an event which unfortunately had never occured in another foreign land even further across the seas

Now for the negative events, though it'll be seen how atleast some of these so called terrible events had some purpose:

1. My passport was misplaced by my home country authorities in this foreign country. It caused unnecessary tension, more so to my close family than to me. But this later proved to be a blessing in disguise as 2 above (& less importantly 1 also) would have never happened without this mishap.

2. I had a near fatal accident where the car ended up gruesomely mangled up. On the positive note, all of us escaped nearly unhurt, so that's the best part.

3. I got swindled of a very large sum of money by an unscrupulous real estate agent. Again, on the positive note, this later saved me from spending much more money by living on my own. Its just how I look at it now.

4. My house got burgled and 2 valuable laptops stolen. Lost some un-backed up data too! Again, the silver lining is that I received a much better performing newer, sleeker laptop.

All in all, it evens out or can actually be said that's its a great year for me. Its all a matter of perspective. Some may say I was jinxed. I'd prefer to look at the very large silver linings in each of these and be very thankful for a pleasant turn of events. This year the events have flowed in such a way that most of them can be said to be more of 'fate' than free will, if at all that exists in a dream characters dream world!

One of the paths...

2007-10-06T14:22:00.001-07:00

Most of us lead a deluded existence identifying with the ego comprised of the body and mind. At the root of all our thoughts and emotions lies this ego. So, the best way to root out the ego is to observe the thoughts & emotions constantly and trace their origin. At the most fundamental level the ego also has its birth from the 'source' consciousness or the self. So on removal of the ego, as mistakenly understood by some, it is not nothingness and loss of identity, rather it is the real identity emerging from the shadow of ignorance.

What can lead us to seek this? It may be some trivial problems in life, or in general a feeling of limitedness that is tightly constraining. After all, what sort of freedom is it as long as one identifies with a body that ages every moment, whose critical functions are all involuntary, and a mind that one knows nothing about, yet which seems to dictate each & every outcome of life?!

As I enter into a new phase of life the larger purpose becomes immediately clear. There is a mirror to the mind at most instants and its easy to observe progress in self enquiry. Sometimes attachment develops to a very large extent. Previously the technique practiced was to try and avoid thoughts or divert them - but that is largely useless as its impossible to control flow of a river. However, with self enquiry, one focuses on the self which is the self of all and since there is unity and harmony, there is no 'other' than one's true self, thus removing attachment and every other unwanted thought.

It is similar to dipping a salt statue repeatedly in the sea to dissolve the salt in the sea and once the statue disappears or rather, merges into the sea which anyway contains infinite salt, then only the sea remains! By dipping the mind and its thoughts back into the self constantly, in the beginning it takes conscious effort (of the mind itself) but gradually when it becomes smooth and effortless its an amazing feeling. There is total calm and peace. The most crucial advantage of this method is that it can be practiced at any instant of time and has no relevance to the situation or the state of mind/ body! One can be walking on the road, in a meeting, studying something, all the while resting in the nature of one's self! Having said this it is to be noted that, in a subtler state of mind its much easier to see the light of the self.

A major and often encountered pitfall is the stage where the ego becomes miniscule but doesn't disappear totally. Then there are periods of knowledge where the magnitude of everything other than the finite becomes known. But this is the crucial period that has to be gone beyond to completely extinguish all traces of the ego. That is when the knowledge dawns in its permanence!

Mirror less reflections

2007-08-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

The currents in life have been changing very rapidly these days. In fact, so fast they flow from all directions that I'm amazed I can finally call myself as 'very busy' even before I enter the next phase of life. Just 2 years back, I had lots of time on my hand for contemplation and idling which I never consider wasteful. But these days, balancing all priorities in life is a big challenge, as newer more exciting activities keep popping up all the time, weighted on the other side by responsibilities that aren't as fun, but required nevertheless!

The mind is also no longer existing in isolation. There's great amount of synergy with another! When the waters of life from two streams mix there's a lot of excitement and different perspectives added. Its useful to know the higher purpose of union of two minds which is to get a more streamlined, stronger flow with less fluctuations thereby able to go farther and have a wider variety of experiences. If the dissolution of egos happens at least with in the boundary of two egos, then there is the capacity to live life through two different experiencers. This is with the intention that the minds broaden even further to encompass the entire creation and become one with Ishwara, the presence underlying creation. And of course, there are always the events that attract other similar minds to be nurtured in the physical world. Eventually, the goal is to surrender and merge all minds into the ocean of bliss of infinity that continues to exist irrespective of the world, but not the other way round.

This is an inconclusive piece, just as life itself is inconclusive when seen from the life’s perspective. Does the river ever conclude? Maybe yes, if one considers meeting the ocean as the end of its journey. But then, the ocean that doesn’t really flow continues the journey of the waters always.

An Irish poem

2007-08-31T09:58:00.000-07:00

May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

Mirror mirror of my mind, who's the youngest of them so kind?

2007-07-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

One more year ticks by. It is only due to lack of imagination that we feel time has a forward direction. As for me, but for the occasional sober reminder that I'm getting older & need to take on responsibilities, there's nothing at all to make me feel any less innocent or carefree than a small kid! Certainly, the body grows older, the cells have been in existence much longer but apart from that the rest is timeless. As for the mind .... its been in existence only as long as it remembers itself.

Tales be told of a bygone era where men and women drank merrily from the fountain of youth. Nothing is amiss today. One can feel as young as one wants to, as happy as one desires and none will be poorer by this thought!

I believe I can fly.. I believe I can touch the sky! I'm light as a bird & the wind is heavy as my mind. I rise up beyond all, leaving far behind the surface thats the end of everything known!

Colorful chronicles

2007-06-21T15:29:00.001-07:00

Touched by heaven in the twinkle of a moment,
Such a gush of blood in the heart of a poet,
Mere madness in an attempt for a sonnet!

Worlds apart, distant like the sky and earth
Till the clouds of mind have nothing but dearth,
Bestowing land the waters of desire's fiefdom.
Rendering bereft the sky, spaceless with air of freedom

Welcoming warmth of the celestial warrior,
Shooting splendidly arrows of light,
Piercing rays of hope through an invisible barrier
Splashing subtly colors of creativity, oh what a sight!

Behold the bridge of contoured creativity
Touching sky with earth, with such impunity!
The beginning of a show, thats all about unity!

The thrills and perils of technology

2007-06-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

Wireless technology is a big boon for those on the move and for those of us who want freedom from - wires (what else!). Technology has progressed so much that now a days we can have wireless internet, wireless headphones, wireless communication between home devices and even wireless power - a recent development at MIT that works on magnetically coupled resonant receiver-transmitter pairs. Technology really has made rapid strides to make life simpler for us.

Or, has it? My immediate need is to buy a bluetooth headset with a mic/ headphone and a bluetooth adapter for my laptop to be able to communicate with freedom over VoIP channels to far flung places across the world. I want to be able to simply walk into a neighbourhood store, pay for it, plug it in and start talking. Tech savvy people would really laugh at that desire, something that will remain unfulfilled for ages to come! Laughable in other ways too - why pay double for something that's available at throw away prices, at throw away quality, at throw away customer service levels over some unknown e-commerce site? Having done some preliminary research on the net, I found that I'll have to install drivers on my laptop, configure some settings for both the adapter & headset and ensure compatibility between the adapter-laptop and adapter-headset (taking care of v 1.1, 1.2, etc). I believe I'll be able to manage all this to make it all work together, the how seems like a miracle. The question is how much time I have and what is my priority for this sort of thing right now. Being free of wires and being able to walk around while talking on VoIP is definitely a top priority for me right now. But spending many hours just digging up drivers, upgrades, potentially crashing my laptop - that's just not my cup of tea at this stage of life!

It may seem an exaggeration at first that it can be so hard to set right these things & get them working. I did a simple test run to check out these bluetooth headsets. Borrowing from my friend who bought a Sony Ericsson headset which claimed compatibility with my K700i cell, I checked if the 2 of them get along well. Can technology ever work that smoothly? Its simple enough to charge and switch on the headset. But no way on earth would the cell recognise the headset! The headset bought on ebay had no manuals in English - only Swedish, Italian and French. Not that manuals always help. Maybe it was defective. Maybe there was a secret 1 micrometer long switch that I had to press with a needle, looking through a microscope. I could have easily gone to user forums, browsed articles on the net, discussed with users and arrived at a solution. But the whole thing had just turned me off, as I wasn't interested in publishing a research paper on that technology, but merely to use it!

This forms the crux of why companies like Apple make a fortune based mainly on triumph of form over function. There is a huge market for creating devices and software that do just what they're supposed to, with no frills and no surprises, with no steep learning curve. Form over function goes beyond mere aesthetics. Its about intuitive, user friendly interfaces - simplicity is harder to come by than complexities. The best ideas tend to be the most simple - almost too easy to miss. In the area of personal computing, the potential is huge for offering ready made, fully tested, guaranteed to work solutions. Think of a bulb - one is nearly assured in 99% of cases that it will work as advertised, else money is refunded. Installation is dead easy too. For mass markets, that is where the future lies, not in just pushing through sophisticated products that fail to work mostly.

However the price one has to pay is exorbitant. In the lower to middle strata of society, only the people in a country like America have the opportunities to make investments in such geeky gadgets and make it worth their while too. Of course the other advanced countries in the world can definitely buy these - but unless one is very deeply interested in possessing the latest technology, its not worth the cost-benefit analysis. So, for a long time to come, the rest of the world will still be mired in plenty of wires and magazines showing what can be wonderful, easy to use solutions to get rid of them!!!! As for me, I'll invest in a 3m long headphone cable, upgrading from my current 1m cable length!!! :-))

On attachments

2007-06-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

When a major decision is taken in life and a certain precious person or object is introduced in life, some thing that one's been waiting for a while it is but natural there is immediately a feeling of closeness and attachment. A zillion times I've learnt how attachment is the root cause of all suffering. There is no need to merely follow scriptures, but experiences both pleasant and unpleasant, bear testimony. Attachment can be to anything in this world - to a person, place, object, habit, event, etc. The learning of all these years will kick in now and I realize the importance of the saying 'yuddha kaale shastrabhyaasa' meaning, 'practising warfare during the war' - impossible to win that way!

Some things in life are transitory and its easy to recognise the pitfalls of such attachments. But why would anyone be convinced that attachment to some 'thing' that will be with you through out your life is bad!! Especially, when its a beautiful thing that brings a lot of joy continuously. It is merely because the mind has to be free always, like a bird in flight guided by the wind and its own whims. The most creative mind filled with life and positive energy is never one existing in bondage. True love and affection cannot flow when there is possessiveness. To mentally let go is a virtue one has to learn even when there is nothing to actually lose, even when something will possibly be with you till the last breath.

There is yet another pitfall from attachment. It leads to a sense of incompleteness. Craving for something or someone only deepens the ignorance that happiness would follow on its acquisition. Hence, there is a sense of helplessness and dependence on something external for joy! One's true nature is perfect and complete in being infinite. Incompleteness however large it might be (say, to include a whole country), is still not infinite/ complete to include everything!

A vast majority of the people in this world never let go as long as the going is good. Only when rudely shaken up after a major loss do they realise their state in shambles. I'm now fully convinced of the importance and relevance of even 'bad' events in life. They shape up the mind, purifying it continuously till it dies a death. If everything in life were to be smooth, which in my opinion never is for any person, then there would be no reason to think about and crave for freedom. There would be no reason to see the light that dispels ignorance.

The mark of a perfected being, one for whom the imperfect mind is totally removed is equanimity. Even the happiest incident (again, classified by some other perspective, or mind) for him brings as much joy as the saddest event. The joy in this case is not the immature and momentary excitement that one feels on getting high on sugar, or other substances, or by being 'in love', but its an all pervading sense of immense ocean like nectar, calm and thoroughly satisfying.

Finally, what's the bottom-line? Give up all attachments irrespective of the object or person in question. Include the body and mind as well & give up attachment to them! Once this is accomplished, everything will be acquired naturally, but funnily enough, nothing will belong to 'you'!

Tapestry of a thousand thoughts

2007-04-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

As the sun wakes up in the sky
He stirs me from where I lie.
A series of mundane steps follow
And I get all ready to allow,
Some exercise for my lazy limbs!

As I climb into the field remote & vast,
I'm drawn to things that dont last;
On blades of grass tiny water droplets shimmer
Like diamonds strewn in an emperor's chest.
For the poor man, bits of hope that glimmer;
But treasures that threaten to fleet, lest
Ever present motives of greed simmer!

In the eyes of the mellow mind lies the scenery,
Evoking evanescently rainbow colors of the moods.
A receptacle for the arrows from the greenery,
Finally, no more than thoughts over which it broods!

Of unknown paths and known dreams

2007-03-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

There were dire warnings, there were sighs of pity for me. All because I was going to travel alone to unknown but reputedly beautiful lands for 11 days. There were few risks - I'd never before driven a car on the roads here, where strange circles called roundabouts regulate traffic. Despite all this, I set off only with a rented car and my own confidence/ foolishness for company, during which I covered 1600 miles in this small country of conquerors, the size of my state in India.

Planning was sketchy, but the structure proved sufficient. All I'd done was to book bed & breakfast accommodation for all the days and decided where I would stay when. The car was a gigantic, powerful fuel guzzler - large enough to host 6 of me inside. I had plenty of maps, a new GPS, lots of snacks, fruits, water, warm clothing, etc. More than all this, I had too much of advice from well wishers!

I took cruises on lakes, climbed mountains, saw tarns at the top, lots of waterfalls, glens, lochs, marshes, bogs, etc...actually trekking and exploring these routes, being a part of the scenery not a mere spectator. Each day afforded me lots of freedom and time. I would set off in the morning, drive on scenic routes, park my car at the base of some good hiking trail or mountain and just start walking. Thus, I climbed the tallest peak in UK, visited the wettest tarn atop a mountain and saw the most spectacular scenery ever. The journeys were fraught with danger - I wore non marking sneakers where the terrain demanded spiked shoes, carried barely enough water and just peanuts & banana on some of the hikes, had no detailed maps or compass, nor any companion. All I had was the ever present spirit. Many a times I was in so desolate a place that it was beautiful in ways I cannot explain.

Being alone on this trip was the best decision I'd ever taken. As I've written in one of my earlier posts about the difference between being 'alone' and 'lonely', being alone is exhilarating only if one doesn't feel lonely. Fortunately, I've lost the ability to feel lonely (touch wood). There's something about ever new experiences, where memory has no say, where its just the mind and spirit, one watching the other till the mind finally falls silent. Like life itself, there were many paths on the way and little knowledge where they led. I knew where I wanted to go and what sort of experience / scenery I wanted and that guided me. Now and then a kind person turned into a lighthouse beacon. Just like life (again), there were few anxious moments where I was seemingly lost. Not knowing where one has come from and where one is going is one definition of feeling lost. But that is the way we live our life, though we only have a picture of where we 'want' to go.

Eventually the journey planned itself well enough to suit me. The structure that forms my ego in terms of the body and mind, livings its life according to a high level plan called fate with apparent control by the ego - that formed the crux of this trip as well! There wasn't really anything I could have done or avoided that would've made it better. It was enough to have faith and like a dream, it unfolded in the sky of my imagination. It made me financially poorer, but richer in reclaiming the joy that belongs to me always. I saw some more of the 'dream', like seeing the patterns formed by light through the wisps of smoke!

Gudugudiya sedi nodo

2007-02-21T12:14:00.000-08:00

The title is a song by Sant Shishunaala Sharif, a 19th century spiritual poet of North Karnataka, South India. This song urges the listener to smoke a Hookah (a smoking pipe) to understand how one should lead life! Open the small cloth bag called mind, pull out the hash called greed/lust, crush it in a chillum called faith and light it with a fire called intelligence, Smoke that Hookah, he says.

I listened to the rendition at Raghudixit Project from where the above paragraph is also taken. Theirs is an upcoming innovative band making news in Bangalore and other parts of India.

The saint is beautifully bringing out the topic I've written about many times in the blog - light up the mind and destroy it. Then will end Maya this illusion that makes up our so called universe, life and everything that goes with the limited existence.

An inspiring visit

2007-02-21T11:42:00.000-08:00

Recently due to various circumstances created by my employer and the apathetic Indian Govt., I had the opportunity to visit the great city of London for a few days. I traveled quite a bit around the city during which I visited a few museums - National (art) gallery, British museum, Natural history museum, Royal observatory, National maritime museum! That is a lot of Science, culture, arts and History packed in the limited space of a few days! Being an avid fan of Discovery, National Geographic and such documentary channels this was an intense experience for me, to absorb the knowledge of 1000s of years of research by some of the brightest human beings. Obviously I only skimmed the surface for the most part due to limited time and patience. Yet, I completely felt mesmerized, like a kid watching the night sky for the first time. It was overwhelming many times during this visit... when I felt so out of depth, like a small drop of water gazing at the zillions of rain droplets. I felt I should be a Scientist, working on some abstruse research problem with no care for money or the other aspects of life. Those dreams I once had as a kid resurfaced! I'd often wished to be endowed with super intelligence, to be an ultra genius!

I am truly amazed at the contributions of the human race. More importantly, I'm all the more fascinated by the PRESERVATION and showcasing of these mammoth achievements, something that rarely if ever happens in India. It has taken immense discipline and collective efforts to build such a collection of artifacts over the course of decades, or even centuries. Truly the British are a great race (atleast in this sense) and in some aspects Indians need to be grateful to them for ruling over the country and bequeathing a few useful systems (railways, postal system, ...). However, this is not to say the Indians or any other countrymen are any less, nor does it detract from condoning imperial suppression of cultures.

There is an incredible amount of greatness that comes out of discipline and collective effort, when will powers rarely transgress boundaries. This is the only lesson for India and the rest of the ancient civilizations that were once upon a time the envy of all, but have since fallen way back in terms of 'progress'. Look at the Greek, Indian, Egyptian, Mesopotamian and such civilizations and its clear as vanilla to draw this conclusion. 'Progress' here refers mainly to Scientific and materialistic levels. As for spiritual evolution, nobody knows even about their closest friend, so what can be said about countries? (Religion is not to be mistaken for spirituality).

Anyway, these sort of changes are cyclical. Just like the seasons, the stock market, the tides and all natural phenomenon. So, there will be, like in a sinusoidal wave, a peak point at which the greatness of these other countries will slide down, and like the cosine wave India and other nations will regain their glory. About the period, it might range from centuries to millenniums or more. So, you and me should stop waiting for improvements and simply live life!

7 super resolutions for 2007... & for life!

2007-01-09T12:50:00.000-08:00

My new year resolutions for 2007 are fairly straight forward:

1. Breathe: I've lived for nearly 3 decades but am yet to learn how to breathe well. I believe most of us don't breathe the right way all the time. Controlling breathing is the easiest way to control the mind, emotions, intellect, etc. I've never learned pranayama or yogic techniques. But to me it has been obvious that rhythmic, deep breathing using both chest and abdomen to full expansion-contraction holds the key to leading a very healthy life. It not only increases the IQ and EQ tremendously, but brings great joy! In the beginning, this will take a conscious effort but once it gets established as a routine, then breath by breath, this most important resolution will fructify.

2. Positive affirmations: I've made up my mind to constantly affirm positive thoughts... that I'll be extremely healthy, wealthy, wise, intelligent and successful in life. Like the weight of the stone that lets it sink to the bottom despite the currents, these have no choice but to find their mark. I've learned the hard way that being spiritual only means one no longer cares for something materialistic (or, its absence), but its harmful to wish away the material belongings as long as one is still in this world, ie, not a renunciate. A single negative thought that shaped my attitude for a while cost me dearly in financial terms... still does!

3. Work-life balance: I work for 2 companies and have atleast 4 bosses (or key stakeholders). This had led to quite some stress last year. To me, who is always looking for a variety of experiences, with work viewed as 1 aspect of life, it simply wasn't enjoyable. But over time I've discovered that successful people never crib. They effectively manage and enjoy all aspects of life, including tremendous amount of pressures at career too. I'm consciously trying to learn and practice good time-energy-priority management skills. To start with, I'm reading a personal productivity best seller 'Getting things done' by David Allen. Call it self-help or general management, I hope to bring some order into my otherwise chaotic work-life.

4. Read: I want to be very well read, especially in Management related subjects. After long last, I've figured there are only 2 career paths - technical or management - no point being in between. In technical, one needs to get deep down into the bowels of some technology by either going for a PhD or sticking on to a technology for the love of it for long enough that you're the undisputed king. In management, one learns to manage people, finance, companies, strategy, etc to change fortunes. A breadth of knowledge is key here, along with plenty of common sense. With more time freed up thanks to my resolution no. 3, I should be able to comfortably use it for my benefit.

5. Travel: I'm in a foreign land. A beautiful country with a rich History and plenty of multi-cultural experiences to go through. I wish to travel every weekend, atleast on one day within UK and atleast once a quarter to Europe. Again, key to making this come true is resolution no. 3.

6. Exercise: I've felt the extreme thrills that simple pleasures like exercising brings... a rush of blood to the head and heart... a sense of euphoria! Other than the known health benefits, it promotes increased sense of well being and higher energy levels, both mental and physical long after exercising. I plan to jog atleast once a weekday, swim on Saturday and jog on Sunday. When I buy a car, I hope to be able to start playing tennis once again. In a country like India, this would've been real easy. But here, it keeps raining all the time, the temperature drops to 0 deg. outside... and combined with my dislike for indoor exercise/ gymming, I need some special plans to make this work!

7. Eat: This relates to the trouble I've faced due to lack of food.. on which I've written 2 or more posts previously. I've decided its worth the effort to eat healthy, eat good and eat well to keep the body-mind going strong.

These 7 super resolutions are all I need in life. The rest will follow. I will stop making the same 'resolutions' from 2008, since by then with some discipline and will power, I wish to make them an integral part of my attitude... to let them sink into my conscious and sub-conscious mind so they come true of their own accord.

8 long days...

2006-12-18T12:46:00.000-08:00

It had been 8 long days since I ate wholesome, home cooked food. I felt like my energy was just being sapped. I felt like a plant withering and shedding all its leaves in the cold dark winter. I felt like a bee sucking water instead of honey, when all the flowers have disappeared.

A lot of activities we do in life is purely based on the pain vs gain principle. You do it if it brings you more gain than pain. Apparently cooking normally brings me more pain than pleasure. All that work in cutting vegetables, cooking, cleaning was simply not worth it. This was fine for 8 days, when I subsisted in the beginning on oil in vegetables in oil..aka curry from a shop. My stomach felt sick and twisted like a wrung cloth! The other days were spent surviving on an apple, banana and a ready to eat chapathi with pickle. In the afternoon at the cafeteria, it would be some cheesy tart, pie or sweetened noodles - lining up the stomach with chocolates as fillers. There was never a sense of being full. I once got up in the middle of the night to get a booster snack, something unthinkable for a sound sleeper like me. Yesterday the pain of the past 7 days made me overeat at an Indian restaurant, where I hogged like a pig on dirt. I then discovered that the food was indeed nothing but dirt when all day I spent with an uneasy stomach.

Enough is enough my mind decided. Ultimately, the pain in surviving without good, healthy food had exceeded the pain taken to cook. I hit the stoves immediately. A busy 70 minutes saw me dishing up some delicacies. Truly, I make no exaggeration when I say I felt like a parched desert wanderer who takes a bath and swig of fresh water in an oasis after nearly dying. In fact, food had always been a major problem, even while I stayed in the land of opportunities. I used to spend days on meagre quantities of fruits and other eatables. Like a moth to the light, I was attracted back to homeland, where there was no necessity to put up a big fight just for 2 square meals a day. How true that we choose our own destiny thanks to the habits and simple pleasures of life, given up for riches and glory.

Hitching the shoe to the feet - an unlikely metaphor!

2006-12-14T14:18:00.000-08:00

Marriage is just like buying and wearing shoes. With a bit of imagination and poetic license for prose, it is trivial to understand why.

When I buy shoes, the most important factor for me is comfort. Even if I have to fork out a huge sum, my feet need to feel 'free' and healthy after putting up with the shoe for 10 hours every weekday. Shoes that bite are a strict no-no, though it is said that both the feet and the shoe mould each other to keep one another comfortable over a period of usage. Next is durability and reliability. They need to last me a decent period of time without conking out, like the sole tearing up! The shoes need to look smart and not shoddy. This is more of a passing criteria than an independent factor. If all the other factors are met, it definitely doesn't hurt to have a trendy shoe. However, if the shoe is very stylish, but uncomfortable, then no designer can get my feet to accept the shoe!

In love marriage, the feet falls for the shoe simply because the shoe looks snappy and feels cosy when worn. The feet wears the shoe for short periods of time and thoroughly enjoys the comfort. However, once married (bought), there are unforeseen hurdles ahead. The shoe starts to bite, the toe hurts, the feet stink and cannot breathe. Very rare are the instances when worn shoes can be returned, even in a consumer friendly country like the US :-) (allegory fully intended!). Why did this happen?? Simply because it is hard to judge if the feet would adjust to the shoe and vice-versa, for 10 hrs each day, by just wearing the shoe for 10 minutes each day! Trial version turns out very different from the real-life version. All circumstances are not encountered nor thought of. Even if it turns out there is some discomfort, the thought of parting with such a beautiful shoe is heart breaking!

Live in relationships are like wearing chappals. There are no hassles of the lace to tie. It is easy to slip in and slip out (hahaha..again, allegorical) :-)). The feet don't feel as suffocated nor is there anything firmly keeping the two together. In fact, even if the chappal falls off along the way, there is no telling when it'll be noticed. All this looks fine. But the real challenge is when the going gets tough, the chappal isn't tough enough for a symbiotic protective relationship. When it is freezing out there, when you're treading over leeches, trekking over snow, the feet needs the shoe. In such cases, only a tried and trusted brand would do!!

Finally, in an arranged marriage, one first looks at the cobbler and the kind of shoes he's been producing. One takes a consensus to find out if people who've bought a particular type and brand of shoes have been satisfied. There is a Historical trend comprised of multiple sample points being analyzed to arrive at an informed conclusion. There is obviously a brief moment when the feet does get to try on the shoe - but this is short and fleeting, not at all enough to form a full opinion in the lack of data pertaining to the Historical trend analysis! Not only your feet but your parent's feet also get to try on the shoes (though the size might differ!).
Horoscope of the feet is tallied with that of the foot. This includes dimensions, shape of feet (wide, narrow, etc), shape of shoe (wide, pointed, etc), a time series analysis of the past that predicts for the future how much space the feet need, and how flexible the leather is to accommodate that. Is the shoe made of a kind of leather that is likely to bite feet with dry skin? The feet like to go hiking. Is the shoe capable of withstanding the rigours? What kind of lace is provided... can it tighten to allow speed running and loosen to let the feet breathe?
This is indeed a lot of data collected within a short period of time. The risk appears to be less since one has gone into dissecting the components and structure that make up the shoe, in relation to the anatomy of the feet and its regular activities. All this should make for a rough and tough, reliable shoe, able to protect the feet in rain, shine, snow, wind, and allow total relaxation in the absence of the elements.

Finally, for 100% satisfaction, one needs to become the creator and craft his/her own shoe with the finest leather. But alas, though we create, we're not creators!

.

2006-12-10T04:47:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog is barely visible. One needs to concentrate and be fully aware to notice it. Yet it exists, unobtrusively. It is a '.' (dot). Dimensionless and inconspicuous. It can be thought of as being the composition of every single letter or symbol that is printed on paper or screen. When you focus on the letter 'a' for instance, you only see it as 'a' and not as a continuous stream of multiple - infinite - dots. Once the form is noticed, the formless dot disappears. But without the formless dot, it is not possible to create the various forms of writing. The dot in this case becomes what is called the 'adhisthana' - the foundation. The vice versa is interesting too. Once you notice all this is nothing but a series of dots, you then only see dots. Awareness can shift between the form and the formless effortlessly. The dot which is dimensionless is beyond dimensions of space (obviously).

This whole analogy is exactly the maya concept of existence in delusion. Brahman or the unmanifested is like this dot, dimensionless - in fact, beyond space and time too. When creation manifests, it simply becomes the world of numerous forms and figures. This again is explained by the analogy of letters of symbols being formed from a dot. Though always in existence, it is rarely perceived due to a shifted awareness caused by the mind that focus on experiences of the senses and thoughts. For instance, one focuses merely on the words, the meaning of the letter, the script, flow of thoughts in this sentence and so on, without ever going into the core - how each of them came into existence. Once one goes on the other side of maya, it is still possible to see the world as it exists, but it will not be seen independent of its foundation, the brahman. The dream will not disappear but the dreamer becomes aware that it is all his own creation.

Slipping in and out

2006-11-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

...of consciousness... coming back to life now and then...

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but
I took a heavenly ride through one silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

These are lyrics from 'Coming back to life' by Pink Floyd. It is so appropriate to my life as its being lived out now. I feel like a small speck being tossed around by the waves of life. I know not where I'm going. I have vague distant memories of where people tell me I come from. Now and then I have glimpses of what I'm supposed to be doing in my life. I'm told what and who I'm supposed to be. All this makes no sense. For a human being it will. Who started to put the idea into this head that I'm human? Who started to dislodge this mistaken idea?

Hey you, standing in the road
Always doing what youre told,
Can you help me?
Hey you, out there beyond the wall,
Breaking bottles in the hall,
Can you help me?
Hey you, dont tell me theres no hope at all
Together we stand, divided we fall.

This wall that is spoken of is a mental barrier. The wall is too high for most of us simply because we feel uncomfortable living in completely empty space. Cause without confines we feel that there is nothing we can call our own. If we think there's somebody or someone beyond the wall who can help us, we're mistaken. In togetherness we stand, sit and do everything just the way it should be, divided, we're as good as minutae... always struggling.

Run, rabbit, run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Dont sit down, its time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race toward an early grave.

For, we're all but rabbits digging hole after hole. Digging, filling, filling, digging. There's no end. Just cause the rabbit next hole has a bigger hole. Just cause it works harder and goes deeper. Deep into its own grave.

You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.

There's no time when the secret doesn't exist. There's no time when its too early, but there's always that its too late. Cry for the moon, but know the dark side is your own dark mind. Shine on through till the next moment, revelling in the craze of reflected light, like a diamond that knows no joy but to reflect everything that surrounds it, in a complex fashion unfathomable!

Pink floyd.. they've gone through all the deep complex thoughts most of us go through.. yet, they're enigmas, cause there's beauty in the way they express themselves and strike a resonant cord with all of creation striving for perfection!

Effect of food on the mind

2006-11-12T13:09:00.002-08:00

There is a definite link, as I experience time and again. Yet, like a fool I overeat or eat junk food most of the time. Now is a rare instance when it's been 6 hours since I had anything to eat. I am not hungry now, not full either, but feel quite satisfied. As in all things in life, this is a mental game. A few years back I used to watch what hunger really is. It is nothing but the mind creating an urge for filling the stomach, an urge that goes beyond what the body actually needs. For most of us who do not indulge in heavy physical work, the body really needs only 1/3rd of what we consume as food. In fact it is proven (and of course intuitive!) that feeding oneself less than what's considered 'normal' prolongs the life span of cells & delaying ageing. Why is that so hard to believe.. when it's obvious that giving every single cell in the body less work than it needs to do should make them more efficient? Is it because we as humans tend to believe our efficiency is at peak when we're over burdened?

There is a reason why most major religions include fasting as a necessary act of purification both mental and physical. Here, when I'm away from home it is indeed very hard to eat healthy. The food that I eat makes me nauseated at times - for instance greasy pizzas, cheese filled pot roasts.. the list is yuck in terms of healthy mind-body, but tasty for the tongue! Today I'm observing my own state in this experiment - the mind is able to think very clearly, there are no random thoughts, there is peace, a sense of being an intelligent being and so on. As I write this blog, the thoughts are flowing very smoothly like a stream that's used to doing what it does best - flow! It does of course help that I had an afternoon nap of 3 hours that totally boosted the energy of this time-space coordinate. That sleep was amazing... there was such a great feeling of flying.. of being flight rather than an object in flight :-). During my periods of reducing food consumption, I'd also noticed that together with a bit of silence and contemplation, the clarity of thought is so great that you are able to take decisions even on topics that you know nothing about. For instance, when you're in an area where you need to choose between 3 roads... in such a state you end up making the right choice at a rate that disproves mere coincidences. As it is widely known in the world of duality, everything, each minute object is coloured by gunas or qualities classified into sattva, rajas and tamas, or more commonly good or bad. When one eats sattvic food, for instance fruits, the energy concentrated in the body-mind becomes refined enabling one to drawing closer towards killing the ego-mind and opening up infinite possibilities. Thus, the breathing which again is intimately linked to the mind becomes very deep and rhythmic as well. With the stomach not over working trying to digest food, abdomenal breathing becomes natural.

I hope to ensure this strict regimen, but discipline is lacking. Its hard to come by in a foreign country, far away from home with lots of restrictions! But, I'll keep striving...

Suffering due to computers :-(

2006-11-01T13:48:00.000-08:00

I am currently suffering a lot from repititive stress injury. Why did it happen to me instead of the zillions who're working just fine with computers? I really don't know.. it's not that I work too many hours or in crappier conditions than others. It's just like any disease that strikes few people & leaves few unharmed.

When I rotate my right wrist, I hear too many sounds.. ones that my left wrist doesn't make.. & sounds that I know are due to this reason cause I feel distinctly a loss of flexibility & rigidity in movement that is unnatural. I have a small bump on the top of my wrist.. a swelling that has appeared very recently. Sometimes I feel a pain in my arm and beyond the elbow as well. Sometimes my hand quivers when I hold a cup after working all day at the computer. Many a times my mind wants to work & produce results.. but my body does not comply. Then all I do is sit idly & look outside.

I've tried many positions, read up a bit about ergonomics. But its not been of much use. Nothing seems to really help like taking a semi-permanent or permanent break.

My entire future may be at stake due to this injury. I know there isn't really any cure. Most people cant even imagine that computers can do this to you. Most doctors think its preposterous. I may never be able to write blogs. Never again check emails. Never keep in touch with friends. Never be able to work or earn a decent salary. Never buy anything online or improve my knowledge. Its pitiable that ebooks are coming up. That assignments even for school kids are nowadays all computer related. Its worse in advanced countries where the move is to even use computers for buying groceries to watching favourite tv programs online. In fact, I can hardly think of any profession that doesn't use computers. Even doctors these days are forced to read voluminous tomes on the computer. It is only due to lack of facilities like in a third world country that some profession might not mandate use of computers!

Then again, all this may sound like exaggeration. Maybe it is to a certain extent when I prophesize a gloomy future due to this ailment. But I do know my arms and hands really ache & nerves tinge even as I type this.

I just hope the day is not too far when speech recognition which has been going on for decades is finally perfected. I just hope we can control the computer without making contact with the keyboard or mouse. Just like Tom Cruise controls the computer in Minority report (or is it MI?). But I'm no Tom Cruise, life is no movie & my faith in technology hasn't kept pace with my imagination about what it should do in future. It is eroded when I see that inspite of computers being around for decades, they're yet to make ergonomic I/O devices. It took many years just to get an optical mouse that doesn't need cleaning like carpet with dust. At the high end, there are many advances, but in a company like mine we still use mouse with cords, with balls that need cleaning (LOL)... there's a big disconnect between mass produced consumer goods at reasonable rates & high end research that is done merely to get grants...anyway.. this is digressing from the main topic :-)

In the end, this is just a dream, like everything else. Only way to avoid a nightmare is to dream consciously of pleasant events...!

Barriers

2006-10-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

I'm facing a major barrier in my life. No, its not any wall. Nor is it any mental or physical block. It's the great language barrier. Most of my friends out here converse in Hindi, supposedly the national language in India. They expect me to know it well enough to converse fluently. Little do they know its dismal penetration down south. We hardly studied anything beyond the alphabets. Hardly saw Hindi movies. Given my poor language capabilities, I've been finding it tough to fluently participate in rapid fire conversations ever since my regional engineering college days. I've had to forsake many many friendships due to this handicap. No matter what, the best jokes, best secrets in any conversation will rarely be clarified or translated. I've tried to change it, occasional efforts to master Hindi. But , it never happens... no concentrated efforts, nor friends totally engrossed in Hindi for continuous company. It seems to happen more when you're away from home.. whether home is defined as the country or the state! Happens all the time when people are in a big group & you're the odd one out. Happened during my YHAI trek to the Himalayas. Wonder when it will stop. Wonder when humans will master the art of telepathy, which by the way I know is true, nothing beyond imagination. Till then, no progress is real progress.

Deepavali again!

2006-10-19T12:54:00.000-07:00

Here it is.. that time of the year when you NEED to burst all the crackers you want, throw advice to the wind and just have a ball, without caring for neighbours, environmentalists or child labourers - all in this context only. On their own, these issues merrit enough attention to last a lifetime of course.

I'm much less lucky this year. I can do all the above. But, if I did, I would be in jail for sure. Because, I'm in a country where people follow rules, rules made not by Indians, but by the white man who once reigned superior over our country. Nevertheless, celebration in spirit will not stop. On the cards is an extravagant pot luck dinner, puja and few 'lights' only crackers that go high up into the sky, at a friends place. It will be interesting for sure. Somehow, this place doesn't seem as far removed from 'home' as the US. It is largely due to the high density of population in towns.. some what similar to Indian cities. Plus the huge Asian influence and plenty of Asians all around. 'Curry' is indeed more common here than 'steak' :-)

Wish you all a very merry Deepavali!

May the crackers light up your life,
And the flame turn to cinder all troubles,
Leaving nothing but traces of smoke,
That disappear into nothingness,
Blown away by the winds of the future,
Freshly brewed, in its own moment!

The wise one sayeth...

2006-10-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

"When you learn to swim in the deep ocean, you enjoy the shallow pool as well"

This pretty much sums up my personality and how I live.

It's important to note the opposite as well "When you learn to swim in the shallow pool, you will be frightened to death of the deep ocean" which is how most of the people live life...learning to swim in the shallow pool!

The great leveller

2006-10-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

I had many friends in school and college who used to really struggle to get through even the simplest of subjects. Today, they're all doing extremely well, which is rather surprising. In college, perhaps not all subjects were easy enough or the students didn't pay enough attention. But in primary and high school, I got to observe some of these people in great detail over a number of years and have to claim my judgement was quite accurate. There were others who were really smart all through, but they're doing equally well in most cases. Not far far better as expected.

So, there is a great leveller that has worked over the period of time, like the storm that flattens everything in its path, big or small, beautiful or ugly. It is attitude, hard work and to some extent fate (don't want to get into that debate about fate vs free will now) that must have brought about this change. I also attribute this to the IT, ITES and other such industries that provide umpteen opportunities without really needing much of creativity or lateral thinking. They need solid workers, dedicated to specialized tasks, like a manufacturing industry robot in the assembly line. I've heard of a few cases that stand out, of people known to us who took 10 yrs to complete their phd. They're the ones now heading Education & research depts. at global IT majors! Phew!

This scenario is a huge contrast to our previous generation. When jobs were limted to Govt. organizations and opportunities abroad and awareness levels were much lower, differentiation between the bright and not so bright would be clearly seen. The smart ones got into Govt. R&D jobs or academic institutions for teaching. The not so fortunate ones got enrolled into more mundane professions.

Today however, most people blindly pursue engineering to come out as zombies and get into run of the mill software jobs. That is where the beginning of the end of differentiation of intellectual levels starts. Other factors work their magic over a long period... things like taking the right decisions, EQ, being opportunistic, knowing the right people, belonging to the right caste/region and so on.

What is the conclusion then? People must evaluate their intellectual level and get into suitable professions. Today nobody needs to despair. Even the dumbest can get to be the CEO of a top company. The smartest might end up writing lines of code all his life, impacting some obsolete legacy system somewhere.

Life... the great leveller :-)

New dreams...

2006-09-23T12:40:00.000-07:00

The first few days seemed like a dream. I had absolutely no hard memory of my previous life in India. My home, family, friends and everything else seemed like clouds in the sky that are visible, yet not tangible somehow. Maybe it was the jet lag, but I doubt it. I guess this is the same feeling most people experience when they travel to new places. To say the least, it is blissful and exactly what liberation feels like. Just that liberation doesn't depend on any physical movement of this sort. Before new memories and connections get formed, before old memories come haunting back, this is going to continue and I'll be enjoying it totally :-)

Potpourri of experiences

2006-09-15T03:10:00.000-07:00

This is my last post from Bangalore for a while, as I head to fulfill the great Indian dream of representing the country abroad, going ‘onsite’… a term more common than ondu, eradu, mooru in Bangalore today!

Here’s what I look forward to in UK:
Great work & a lot of learning
Good quality of life, including air
Short commute
Great pubs, restaurants, dance clubs and hang out places
Week end travel
Holiday travel (if any) to Europe or other distant places
Lack of too many people, thereby silence
Get to make some moolah
New experiences, new people, new sights, sounds, smells and thoughts basically sum these up!

Here’s what I’ll miss about Bangalore:
Family and friends
Good, home made food
Long hours playing tennis in the mid day sun

It goes without saying that these are for the most part mutually exclusive lists.
When I summarize thus, there’s a stark contrast and it appears that Bangalore has almost nothing to offer. This is true, not an exaggeration. Other than family, friends and a ‘comfort zone’ there is nothing much else here. But these things weigh in heavily when you stay away for long periods (ever heard about settled abroad phrase?). Right now, there’s a very different feeling compared to my past when I was based in the US. Now the base is India, and that makes a huge difference. Thankfully, there’s no such thing as settling in one place for the global traveler in me.

Times they are a changin'

2006-09-12T03:44:00.000-07:00

There used to be a time when friendships meant spending time together – hanging out, going out or simply walking around. These days most of my friends are either engaged or married. Thus, they hardly find even 5 minutes a week to catch up. This is an alarming trend in my view. Being totally closeted with only 1 person all the time is fine for a while. It may even be necessary in the beginning – a necessary evil. It might be an addiction to 1 person, a direct consequence of being in love. But eventually, there is the necessity to bond with a larger set of people, to expand your horizons, ideas and experiences.

Some of my friends might think the same fate awaits me once I get hitched. I know that will not be the case! In fact, I do have other friends who socialize as a couple, not in isolation. That’s definitely the way to be!

I’ve observed this habit among most couples who’re newly coupled. In the hostel too, the guy who used to be in love with the girl took on shades of the girl. He missed out totally on every other happening in the guy’s block. He knew all about what’s going on in the girl’s block (GB)!

This might be common among couples in love or doing the courtship routine. That is fine, since it only lasts for a brief period. But for married folks, this disturbing trend cannot continue for long, since marriage is a lifetime event. In my parents’ days, I’d observed that there was a healthy socializing among friends. Today’s world has changed perhaps for the worse. Maybe girls today are too demanding and attention seeking. It could be the result of long hours spent away from home either working or commuting. It could be the influence of Western society, where people have to actually ‘work’ to keep their marriage intact. It could be all that bull shit about ‘personal space and time’. What ever it is, the dynamics are against traditional Indian set up of society.

Another incidence showcasing the same is: How many of you actually call friends & family before visiting them? It’s fine to call to check if they’re home. But calling to check if they’re ‘free’ to meet… that’s unheard of. Guests used to always be welcome at home. In my house, they still are, even with changing times. The surprise element of meeting a long lost friend who just turns up at home is gone. Thanks in part to SMS, cell phones, Orkut & such non personal means of networking.

A post a day keeps the blues at bay!

2006-09-12T02:40:00.000-07:00

A lot of friends have been reading my blog. They had nice things to say & urged me to continue writing, though I don't think a lot of posts make sense to the majority :-). I would like to see all my friends start a blog - it doesn't matter if one is a talented writer. A blog helps to keep in touch both with the physical & mental coordinates.

I never knew many of them even knew about the existence of my blog! I can only track no. of visitors per day & guess about who might be reading it, based on some statistics. The only way to make it interactive is if people start posting comments. I also took some pains to ensure this remains semi-anonymous. Those who know me personally know about my blog. But its unlikely somebody searching for me out of the blue will chance upon this! I dont think my identity is important, just the ideas & their effective communication to an audience. Though, I can safely say that I write nothing that I wouldn't want to own up to!

Dreams that can never come true

2006-09-06T04:57:00.000-07:00

These are days when the dream character is engrossed & believes in being a part of the dream. This post is the time when the character is writing, yet knowing the existence of a mere dream of which he’s a part of. This is cryptic as can be. Yet, to the knowers, it makes complete sense.

Ganesha says…

2006-08-31T04:08:00.000-07:00

Ganesha says ‘a travel is on the cards for some, health & marriage for some others & few students might need to study’ – thus goes most weekly astrological predictions in papers & magazines … funny to say the least :-)

Well, for me the 1st prediction is coming true… finally! After returning from the US almost 3 years back, I never wanted to come back ‘for good’. There’s no fun in being static, either in the US or in India, especially at this age when the whole world begs to be visited! Nor is there any fun earning just a pittance in India. Cutting to the facts, I’m off to Bristol, UK next week & will be gone till the end of the year. There is no saying that it won’t get extended till the end of 2007!

All said & done, there is a slight reluctance too, to let go of things so familiar & venture into the unknown, even though things are easily 'known' in today’s age of the internet. This reminds me of the story of the crab that just wouldn’t let go of the rock it was hanging on to, missing out on the joy ride with the river! This crab is hanging on only very mildly & the currents are strong. Fortunately, other adventurers have expressed delight in their exploits… so lots to look forward to :-)

For those of you lucky & bored enough to read this, I’ll still be available via good old gmail. Adios (very soon!).

Best plans are never made

2006-08-02T04:56:00.000-07:00

A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving - Lao Tze.
This pretty much summarizes my life these days. I don't know where I'm headed. All I know is that I'm enjoying this moment.

The answer my friend, is blowin in the wind!

2006-07-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

Yet, I'm unable to receive it.

It's been ages since I posted anything to my blog! The point to note is majority of my previous posts came about when I was bored at work! The most creative of them were conceived when I was least busy with work & free to dream.

Now, things have changed completely. For the better in terms of a long term career, but in terms of creative posts, that might take a back seat :-). It's amazing how there's a lot to say when the mind is empty, but when you're occupied, then thinking about what to say leads to the writer's block. It's hard to imagine how daily syndicate columnists, especially cartoonists come up with terrific material under pressure.

Also, now a days I’m back to being a prisoner of the mind for the most part. Gone are the wonderful poetry & realizations, simply because no longer am I pondering or seeking them. They can be brought back, but this phase of life requires that I be just like a ‘normal’ human being with desires & ambitions. So be it. Just like everything else, this too is a phase & it too will pass for the greater good.

If you ever knew

2006-06-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

If you ever knew,
Who I am
Where I come from
Where I go,
Would you still talk to me?
Would you still look at me,
The way you do?
If I ever knew,
Who I am,
Where I come from,
Where I go,
I would no longer
Talk the way I do
Walk the way I do
Behave the way I'm supposed to.
In this very knowing,
Let us come together
In a world,
Where looking, talking,
Is nothing but useless!
Where seeing is not believing,
Where believing is not seeing!
Cause, when you know,
I know!
When it is known,
You and me become unknown!

A void, ever full

2006-06-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

Why's it
That presence is celebrated
Like the petals you wish to touch,
And absence is abhored,
Like the leper you don't wish to touch?
Why's it
That death is mourned
When all it does is break
All ties that bind one
To thee Universe of material and mind
Why's it
That birth is celebrated
When all it does is bind
One to all that one calls his own,
Like the spider that binds it's prey
In a web of deceit all it's own!
Strange are the ways of man,
Seeking to escape from the dream
That he spends all his life fuelling,
To finally realize,
That dreams have no choice,
But to come true!
Like the slave bound to his master,
Like the snake bound to it's skin,
Like the caterpillar bound to it's pupa,
Why's it
That so few are led by the truth,
And so many are led by the false
Strange indeed are the ways,
Of this self fulfilling dream,
Which is all I've ever known!
O fool,
Celebrate absence,
Of all you've ever known
Mourn the presence,
Of all you'll ever know!

Winds of change

2006-05-10T03:26:00.000-07:00

My new year resolution finally came true. It took me nearly 2 years to break down the barriers I'd put around me. When I first relocated to India, I was averse to working in the software/ IT industry, primarily because I had a Masters, journal publication, research experience and so on - merely reasons to convince others. But the real reason was, I didn't want to be one among the masses and was fearful of total disrespect the industry has for work-life balance. Over the past 2 years there has been a change of heart though the conditions haven't really changed externally. Opportunities for research are still very limited in Bangalore, especially in the private sector. Those that really do great r&d don't recruit a non-PhD, the vice-versa being true too. Thus, I'd been caught unawares belonging to neither group fully. I had merely followed the stream of events that led me to specialize in an obscure branch of knowledge that is quite unmarketable without core software skills! On careful analysis of my personality, I found that I'm not even the type that can dedicate decades to solving one single problem, which is the profile of a true researcher. That being said, I thoroughly enjoyed the past few years in research.

There have been a lot of learnings from this job, which I'll soon be done with. Setting time bound goals is crucial. This necessitates creating desires artificially, even if I don't feel like it. All this is due to the mad rat race & fiercely competitive environment. In a running race, if you take the break to enjoy the scenery, you not only don't finish among the top, if there're too many people running frantically, you also run the risk of being run over in a stampede! The other important take away is to always be diplomatic. Never express what's on your mind instantly, however important & urgent you think it is. Always hide your true intentions, at the cost of putting on a mask. Even if you're stabbing somebody with a knife, the person should feel you're doing him a favor. After all, the life that one leads isn't remotely related to one's true nature anyway. The other lesson is to give the higher-ups a great impression of oneself, even if it is as mundane as staying late just to appear busy and the 'hard-working' type. Of course, true worth will always shine through, but why make things tougher by being modest! My favorite quote here is 'perception is reality to that person'. How true! If only everybody understood this, there would never be any quarrels. Some of this runs contrary to the intuitive feeling of what constitutes highly ethical and moral behavior (sathwick qualities). As long as the intentions are good & there is a solid inner spiritual strength, these will merely be like flakes of snow melting in the sun.

All in all, there are no regrets whatsoever, only a multitude of experiences. I've immensely enjoyed the journey so far, even if it means branching off to alien lands now. I have created concrete desires which might seem too ambitious, but like the heavy stone sinking to the bottom without getting carried by the current, these will eventually hit their mark. Once you hold something as accomplished in your mind and believe very firmly in it, it is merely a matter of time before it actually happens. This approach combined with the Bhagavad Gita philosophy of detaching yourself from actions and not craving for results is a great way of balancing material progress with spiritual growth.

How to bring a city to it’s knees!

2006-04-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday was a fateful day for Kannadigas & Bangaloreans. Dr.Rajkumar, the ever-green super star of Kannada filmdom (Sandalwood!) passed away peacefully. But the rest of the story was far from peaceful. People turned up in large numbers to bid adieu to their idol and on the way decided to have some sadistic fun. What followed was total chaos, death and destruction. The sense of security of people used to living in cocoons was shattered. The entire incident is just a huge magnification of the chaos and destruction that happens daily in the city, though not in a collected fashion. While the barbaric acts are certainly not to be condoned, it is time the causes are understood more clearly, rather than focusing entirely on the trigger. There will be more such incidents in the future since the causes lie dormant, like a volcano waiting for a small fissure to erupt in all it’s fury.

The city of Bangalore is like a huge system that needs many functional sub-units to keep it going. It is similar to a living being, albeit one diseased in body & depressed in mind. Imagine snatching a favorite toy permanently away from a possessive & depressed child of great strength. Toys come and go & snatching keeps happening, but a permanent cure is to uproot the disease itself! What ails the city? That’s the easiest question that the auto-driver can answer as well as the Harvard educated businessman! There is deep-rooted simmering discontent about what the unplanned growth (IT or otherwise) has done to the city. The quality of life has decayed terribly. There is a wide chasm between the haves and the have-nots. The haves take home tens of thousands of rupees every month & are rarely exposed to the atmosphere, while the have-nots take home tens of thousands of rupees over the course of a decade & toil from the mid-day sun to the midnight moon for a simple meal. Kannada has taken a back seat so much so that speaking the language is considered shameful in many posh settings. There is also the larger issue of lack of public idols. The masses rarely have an individual in a position of power that they can look up to and aspire to emulate. This is a direct fallout of the corrupt system entrenched with money laundering politicians.

Well, what can be done then? Proactive and wise developmental plans have to be set in motion and completed on time. Reservation and such hare-brained ideas have to be shelved. Judicial system with corrupt rotten judges has to be revamped. Focus has to shift on improving the life of common people without neglecting high-end development. There is a long wish list that’s easier said than done. While my complete sympathies rest with the people affected adversely, this sort of thing will continue to happen. The system gets what it gives. The law of karma is brutal and operates collectively too. As such, I have no sympathies for the system, of which I too am a part, but not in a position of influence or power to do much about it!

A trip divine

2006-04-10T03:03:00.000-07:00

Suddenly on a Thursday afternoon I decided to make a trip all alone for 2 days to Sringeri. There was vehement opposition from home - perhaps they suspected, as they have in the past that I might get swayed away from the so called 'normal' accepted life that humans live. When I informed my friends while on the trip that I had gone alone, sympathies poured in from all over. It was considered unthinkable that a person would travel alone. This is attributed to the confusion most people have between being alone and being lonely. Alone & not feeling lonely is the most wonderful state of being, especially in silence & contemplation. Lonely is the worst state known to the human mind & affects a large number of people especially in advanced countries. If you cannot enjoy being alone, you'll never enjoy with anybody else, be it humans or pets or in exotic locations. On the other hand, one can be lonely even in the midst of a bustling crowd, lots of friends & relatives and so on. Being comfortably alone arises from a state of compeleteness, of oneness with all of existence. Being lonely arises from the ego, from the sake of wanting someone or something to feel complete & this is totally natural since ignorance hides the real nature of the self that includes all.

Coming back to the subject, Sringeri is one of the four mutts founded by none other than Adi Shankaracharya. Take a look at their website at
http://jagadgurus.org/ . Since then, the unbroken lineage of Jagadgurus have drawn scores of people who come in search of solace or just to witness a confirmed jnani! The whole place appeals so much since it has temples, a river, some forests, plenty of space to sit in silence and is rarely crowded except on special occasions. This becomes especially important, since most temples these days are heavily crowded and noisy. To get to a silent place, you need to travel far away & get into one of the upper-class resorts in the jungle. But here, one need not fork out princely sums and book months in advance to have a decent roof over the head. One need not go in search of exotic restaurants for some great piping hot food. There is even a patha-shaala (vedic school) in the traditional Gurukula mode imparting Vedic education to many enthusiastic disciples of all ages. In the evenings, one can listen to the melodious strains of Karnatic classical music. The puja, chanting and the whole atmosphere transports one to the mythical times that we've only heard or read about, provided you keep the mind calm & free of worries about what's happening back home!

All in all, an amazing experience. I wouldn't want to go there with anybody but my self :-). I wouldn’t want to listen to anybody, but the silence of my heart.

Pleasurable vagaries

2006-03-29T04:00:00.000-08:00

Millions of stars start to wink at me,
Beckoning me to the abode with no boundaries.
The rabbit leaps out of the moon
Smiling graciously at my mundane existence,
Beckoning me to come frolic on a land
That promises fantasy and more.
The night sky appears in its regal splendor
Bedecked like an emperor out on a roll,
Like the way it was meant to be.
Noise from idle distractions waft no more
Finally, one can hear the sound of a trillion thoughts
That makes thee mind numb with fright!
Some think the silence is deafening;
Like the way it was meant to be.
The pure elements bask in their own light
Making one frolic as a lamb with no plight!
Like the way it was meant to be.
O, what a glorious night this is,
May the KEB power Gods heed my prayers,
To bestow on me in all their kindness,
Darkness and silence night after night!

Astrology - Science or pseudo-science ?

2006-03-29T03:28:00.000-08:00

This is one of the most common debates..something that one can never convince somebody on the other side of the fence. Most people are sitting on the fence regarding this issue. Even before delving into pros & cons, we need to have a clear understanding of what 'Science' really means to us. As commonly accepted, it is a set of laws based on observation of phenomenon & characterized using a formal methodology which we call as Mathematics. Inherently, what you can express in words is limited by the language you use. So also is the case with Science, often limited by the observable phenomenon & the Mathematical conjectures developed over 1000s of years. What if the formal body of knowledge had come to be defined in a different way ? Would that have changed our concept of accepted beliefs ?

One of the foundational reasons why we call some conclusion Scientific is usually because of the certainty we associate with it. I feel I know with 100% conviction that the apple that detaches itself from the tree will fall only down & not up. In practice, every prediction is probabilistic, always lying between 0 & 1, but never either of these. It is on this premise that Astrology can be called a Science, albeit a probabilistic one, just like anything else. Now it becomes much easier to understand that perhaps some planet somewhere has an effect, however small on us.

There is a much deeper significance to astrology. The planetary system is a macro-cosmic model of the human micro-cosm. The planets relate in some way to the chakras, subtle sources of energy as yet un-discovered by mainstream Science. Everything in the Universe being interconnected in some way, it is not preposterous to assume this just because the laws of interaction are unknown! By themselves they have neither a good nor a bad effect. However, what they do is to activate the karmic tendencies already present in the psyche. I’ve been amazed by the accuracy with which the astrologer can predict your nature & the past without any prior information.

Some pointers to astrology is the chapter from “Autobiography of a Yogi” by Paramhansa Yogananda discussing this subject in depth. This book, by the way is my all time favorite read & it’s what got me started & interested in self-discovery.

Finally, information is constantly present in the universe. It is up to us to make sense of it & apply it to the task at hand. That is all astrology does – provide a means where information can be meaningfully interpreted. I say this from a simple experience. It was in the back of my mind for past few days to buy additional stock of bathing soap, but I kept forgetting. Yesterday, while on the bus back home, I saw this ad. for soap & it suddenly reminded me to do the needful! All the ad. did was to activate the intent for action already at the back of my mind. So do the planets & the horoscope is merely capturing details of that! All this is in a probabilistic sense as I mentioned earlier!

Some workdays

2006-03-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

These days that slip by so slowly
That I feel like a snail on the track of time
Unable to move any faster on this long journey
Seeing others move by faster than I can blink
All I can do is find many ways to think
Of ways to escape this drudgery that haunts me
Everything around me is so still
It feels like eternity has descended on this moment!

Riders on the storm

2006-03-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Into this house we’re born
Into this world we’re thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out on loan
Riders on the storm

This is the first stanza from the song 'Riders on the storm' by Doors. It's a wonderful song & you probably need to be doped to get the full effect. Else you need to be philosophical to begin to understand its implications. Actually, it's quite simple. I had no control over which body to take on, which family to be born into, the part of the world to be born into, what kind of intellect/mind etc to possess. Coming to think of it, these are THE defining factors that're shaping the course of this life, which I sometimes think is mine. If I had absolutely no control whatsoever on these super critical factors, then how much control do I really have on daily activities & other more significant events? It's a chilling reality check on all of us who keep spending the present making plans for the future!

Wishful desires

2006-02-22T04:11:00.000-08:00

Living a life where you're constantly evaluated, compared & dissected w.r.t others in your category is no fun. But that's the sort of life most of us lead or are forced to lead. It's a rat race, especially in the highly competitive corporate world, where there's no altruism, hardly any friendship (really!) & a carrot hanging in the front & stick behind the back! I for one know in my heart of hearts (whatever that is!) that all I desire is a life of quietude with no responsibilities, no goals, living with nature & just experiencing the joy of being one with everything. I'm still waiting for that day, when I can break free of all shackles, though I'm very much aware every bondage is only in the mind. A life of renunciation from the world! Some call it escapism, but truly, there's no need to prove your so called 'self' (as in yourself), simply because most people aren't even aware of their true self, always mistaking the body-mind complex to be that! Besides, aren't we all escapists in some sense or the other? We're striving hard to escape from the troubles of living, be it noise, pollution, troubled relationships, financial hassles..always trying to move to a physical, emotional, monetary or other plane that we perceive to be higher than our present! Perhaps that's a negative way of looking at it, but it all boils down to a pain vs pleasure weighing act. What better escape is there than to break free from the notion of being an entity limited in time-space?! I now realize that's the very important goal of all difficulties...to know that there's a place where everything is you, nothing is desired, all is bliss, lasting forever...something the mind just leaps with joy even at the very mention of, but becomes sad thinking no such existence is even possible!

Moments...

2006-02-17T04:14:00.000-08:00

The only way to live life,
Is moment by moment,
Making no comparisons,
Thinking of everything in life
As the best possible
For me at that moment!

All roads lead to...

2006-02-08T00:36:00.000-08:00

There are many paths to the infinite (in reality there is only the infinite, no ignorance & no need for any of this. But the ignorant have a different perspective). Most well known among them are the bhakti, jnana and yoga margas. Bhakti is well suited for highly emotional people. Jnana follows the art of discrimination & constantly watching the mind. Yoga deals with controlling the mind through various psycho-physical exercises. It is not merely a matter of choice in choosing these paths, but rather, every individual depending on his tendencies at different points of time falls in line predominantly with one of these. It is hard to argue or compare benefits of each of these paths. But the result & goal of all are the same, to get beyond the mind & the physical and thereby realize that all is one. In yoga, one focuses on raising the kundalini to the sahasrara chakra. In bhakti one completely surrenders ones ego to a higher power. In jnana, one constantly discriminates between the real and the unreal. So here too, for instance on self enquiry, the kundalini would rise up, the ego gets destroyed, but the focus is not on these means! Some of the well known spiritual leaders who followed & advocated the bhakti path are Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, Chaitanya & the followers of the various dieties like Krishna. Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj are the proponents of the self enquiry mode. The Yoga masters are numerous, such as Paramhansa Yogananda, Swami Vivekananda, AOL founder Sri Sri Ravishankar. What I've found is that Jnana or discrimination alone becomes too dry & unemotional while Yoga & Bhakti add a lot of spice or adventure to the process. This is in the form of visions, siddhis & such accompaniments. At the same time, both yoga & bhakti pre-suppose or force you to acknowledge & live in duality. There is then a constant anticipation that something has to be done to attain liberation! This sort of dichotomy alone accounts for ignorance. Also, yoga or meditation & prayer are usually time bound activities requiring one to dedicate a certain period for this. Discrimination on the other hand can continue during all sorts of normal routines. One may argue that only a clear & purified mind is capable of self enquiry or discrimination, which is quite true. Perhaps that is one of the main reasons bhakti & yoga are advocated for the corrupt kali-yuga! There is no debate or conclusion here, but personally, I prefer to stick to all the paths in some form or at certain periods. Once a deeper understanding is gained, it is seen that these are all complementary & not really competitive paths!

HaHaHa :-))

2006-01-20T03:21:00.000-08:00

This is simply too hilarious. Do not look for deeper meanings, sect bashing or even try to follow any of these. Just LOL or ROFL till your guts ache. That's chat lingo for rolling on the floor with laughter.

Here's the link to brighten your day or night:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/elsewhere/journalist/story/0,,1688285,00.html

Idling

2006-01-05T03:57:00.000-08:00

Am just really bored today. There have been many occasions when I've been listless, aimless & just wandering around. This used to happen more often when I was an under-grad engineering student. These days, such occasions are much fewer & farther between.

In such instances, I don't even feel like focusing & reading general articles on the web. It's as if the energy tank has run dry, or rather, the plumbing to supply energy to the activities of the mind-body isn't that efficient. Surprisingly, the stress level is also higher than when there's just sufficient work to do!

As for the causes - there might be many. Biorhythm fluctuates through the day. Food plays a crucial part in making one feel energetic. Things in the back of the mind can sap the energy on a sub-conscious level. Breathing pattern is different at such times, usually shallow. Lack of enthusiasm & motivation targeted specifically at an outcome can be a sympton hard to identify. Though it looks quite easy to fix this, a combination of the innumerable causes combine to render most remedies useless.

Thank God for 8-hour workdays. Pray for Europe-like 35 hr workdays with siesta thrown in ;-) Is it hard to guess that I'm all for Bertrand Russell’s 'In praise of idleness’? Read this here -
http://www.zpub.com/notes/idle.html

Happy new year!

2005-12-30T22:36:00.000-08:00

Here's wishing everybody who reads this a very prosperous & fruitful new year! May 2006 be the harbinger of glorious dreams & signal the end of frightful nightmares.

But coming to think of it, sometimes I wonder if this isn't all just a marketing hype. After all, it is just another day like any other. As long as it gives reason to celebrate & reason to cheer, to be with friends & family it's all good.

On my part, there is only 1 resolution. To boost my career & earnings, which due to a lack of any direction or desire on my part (taking things easy, as they come) was going in a spiral of it's own! While lack of desires is a great state in spiritual progress, it has grave downfalls in the material world we live in. You then run the risk of being pushed in the direction of other people's desires & consequently events might not always be in your favor. All if fine, but when the ego wakes up, things are not in the best shape! Thus, it is best to have constructive general goals & desires to shape the course of life. This was a crucial takeaway for me from 2005.

What are your new year resolutions, how did 2005 treat you & how did you celebrate the eve of new year?

Fear factor

2005-12-20T01:57:00.000-08:00

The heard began to pound harder. The breathing became irregular. I suddenly froze in my seat. I had a great chance to observe the primal instinct called fear. Other than these physical reactions, there was nothing more to fear, which was a breather. Thank God for fear, for it's a survival mechanism developed over the ages. A huge beast of the jungle weighing several tonnes stood right in front of me. One step & it could have ended my life treating me like a mere twig. How fragile is human life in such uncontrolled situations!

Luckily I wasn't alone. My friends & I were in a jeep in the jungle of Bandipur on a safari. The able driver knew at once what he had to do in such a situation. The elephant herd had been watched by us for a while. But this was sudden, a part of the fight or flight mechanism when threatened. In the jungle, live by the law of the wild. It would've been obvious we had no chance, but the driver bravely revved up the engine & stood his ground without backing out. The standoff continued a while, before the mammoth suddenly realized we're not going to give in. It beat a hasty retreat & without looking back, we raced ahead for 10 minutes. The driver, a forest official later told us that had he reversed, the animal would've taken that as a sign of bowing down & would've chased us...that would be much worse, traveling in reverse gear, chased at high speeds!! But really, all this was not as gory as I describe. In fact, I'd been wishing since that morning for such an experience. Once again, a wish come true & no regrets for wishing either! Moral here - be careful what you wish for, cause it just might come true!

Having started off on the trip without booking any accommodation or making any concrete plans, a bunch of us went on this totally disorganized trip to Bandipur national park. Refusing to shell out 2000 bucks for a single day's stay at one of the luxurious cottages, we scouted around helplessly. A forest guard took mercy on us & decided to make a quick buck. Promising us of a comfortable stay at a forest guest house up on Himavad Gopalaswamy hill, he took a bribe from us & hopped onto our taxi. Going all the way up, we were amazed at the seclusion & scenic beauty up there. The lodging was not worth being called by that name! But being nature freaks, we decided to stay there. He conned us into thinking there's no food available there, so we had to come down & pack a dinner. Meanwhile, this bugger gets totally tipsy as he's unable to make up his mind between arrack & whisky! Late at night, with nowhere to go & nobody to guide us to this lodge with no light, we're torn between dreams of a romantic stay up the hill & comfort of a decent roof on the other! Finally, the feeble minded weaklings amongst us persuade us to choose the latter & we give in. It was amazing to what lengths corruption has pervaded people's psyche in India. Lure of money & booze ruled this guy's mind & he capitalized justly on our dire needs as well. Moral here - money rules & dictates lives of most people!

All in all, the trip turned out great fun as usual. Despite total lack of planning events fell in place quite well. Adventure quotient was very high due to this lack of order. As for me, I'm still unable to make up my mind whether advance booking & such tame activities are preferable on trips! I cannot resist comparing this with life itself. I'm still not fully convinced that I need to plan ahead in life, cause mostly things fall in place as long as a general direction is maintained & some fundamentals are adhered to. After all, plans have a mind of their own :-)

Fruity tastes

2005-12-19T02:50:00.000-08:00

"The ripening takes time, the fruit falls immediately" - thus says Nisrgadatta Maharaj. The same fruit was used for so many different analogies. In the garden of Eden, Adam bit the forbidden fruit & the obvious happened ;-). Newton saw a fruit falling & thanks to him, the whole world knows of the wonderful law of gravity. It's another matter what would've happened if none of us knew the gravity of the situation!!

After meandering, coming back to the inane observation I don't think many can guess what it alludes to. It's the hoary term called in various expositions as nirvana, moksha, liberation, enlightenment, mukti...& so on. I'll just refer to it as 'lib' for this post. It's probably the least understood word in the English dictionary. No Webster can shed light on it's meaning to others.

There's a debate sometimes whether lib is instantaneous or happens gradually. The truth is, lib always exists by itself. Its only ignorance that rears its head up intermittently. That being said, is destruction of ignorance permanent? The only way to answer such a question is to know for oneself. As long as questions remain such as ‘am I liberated’, ‘what is lib’, etc., it only points to the fact that ignorance still remains.

There have been moments for each of us when we’ve been so totally immersed in some activity that thoughts cease & the ego totally disappears. This can happen when you’re fully concentrated on a single activity…playing a game, solving a puzzle, in a heated discussion or some other immersion. You then become a part of the activity! It is then said that time flies! How often have you heard somebody say that the day or hour went by so quickly that it never felt like a day or hour?

Memory which is a heavily emphasized part of rote learning is really the culprit. Imagine an existence without memory, where each experience would be as fresh as that moment. A simple act of drinking water or walking would be as joyful as the first time you talked or saw a scenic river! This is not to be confused with amnesia, where a person is unable to recall despite his best attempt. In memory-less living, the memories can be recalled at will, as clear as an image on the screen. Yet they appear floating like clouds in the sky, untouched by the blue skies. What more can one ask for, than to be the space that holds these clouds & appear as colors from another perspective?

Pointers to the truth!

2005-11-30T02:24:00.000-08:00

This is one of my all time favorite sites:
http://www.geocities.com/advaitavedant
Do check it out when bored & in front of the computer!

From the ‘Spiritual instruction’ by Ramana Maharshi, here is a neat comparison:
How can there be a connection between the Self which is pure knowledge and the triple factors (knower, known & knowledge) which are relative knowledge?
This is, in a way, like the working of a cinema as shown below:

CINEMA SHOW
- SELF
1. The lamp inside (the apparatus).
- The Self
2. The lens in front of the lamp.
- The pure (sattvic) mind close to the Self.
3. The film which is a long series of (separate photos).
- The stream of latent tendencies consisting of subtle thoughts.
4. The lens, the light passing through it and the lamp, which together form the focused light.
- The mind, the illumination of it and the Self, which together form the seer or the Jiva
5. The light passing through the lens and falling on the screen.
- The light of the Self emerging from the mind through the senses, and falling on the world.
6. The various kinds of pictures appearing in the light of the screen.
- The various forms and names appearing as the objects perceived in the light of the world.
7. The mechanism which sets the film in motion.
-The divine law manifesting the latent tendencies of the mind.

Just as the pictures appear on the screen as long as the film throws the shadows through the lens, so the phenomenal world will continue to appear to the individual in the waking and dream states as long as there are latent mental impressions. Just as the lens magnifies the tiny specks on the film to a huge size and as a number of pictures are shown in a second, so the mind enlarges the sprout-like tendencies into tree-like thoughts and shows in a second innumerable worlds. Again, just as there is only the light of the lamp visible when there is no film, so the Self alone shines without the triple factors when the mental concepts in the form of tendencies are absent in the states of deep sleep, swoon and samadhi. Just as the lamp illumines the lens, etc., while remaining unaffected, the Self illumines the ego (chidabhasa), etc., while remaining unaffected.

This is as good a comparison as I’ve ever seen, in helping one understand the nature of existence. This neatly explains my strong preference for fantasy movies. The next time I go see a movie forking out a princely sum, I might as well digest some of these facts :-)

Aah! Amrikaaah!

2005-11-17T16:17:00.000-08:00

This is a long overdue update. I'd been on a short 10 day trip to the US on official work. Managed to squeeze in visits to Cincinnati, Albany & Wilmington, NC on official work. In between I took a day off, got 2 weekends & made trips to visit two of my friends. The 1st weekend I took off to visit a school friend in NJ. He's made it real big out there, earning 6 figure green dough. Also happened to meet some of my KREC seniors who've made it similarly big (so called 'arrived'). We went to NYC, the epitome of what US stands for. People of every conceivable size, colour, style, orientation....it's like an aquarium packed with curious deep sea fish that you only get to see rarely! The energy there is simply remarkeable. Perhaps due to my jet lagged state, it REALLY felt like a scene out of Matrix...where I was just a passive observer & everything around me just moved in a self sustaining state!

The second weekend was spent visiting another friend. I had a first hand glimpse at one of the top B-schools in the world. The pace of life there is so hectic, you wonder when they find time to expand their lungs & take gulps of air..:-). High energy is the mantra for success. Strategic planning for even the simple aspects of life like dressing, hair style & so on to make an impact is something I learnt anew. Driving 1000 miles in 3 days, I had a chance to look at beautiful fall colors, the mountains, the lakes & some very pretty landscapes.

The first impression when I landed in US was a feeling of freedom. Very conveniently I took a GPS enabled rental car & started to drive as if I'd always lived there. The convenience was un-mistakeable. The roads were so orderly. Everything was so smooth flowing it hardly required any effort of my own or thinking. The lack of people felt like a fresh burst of air for a choking man. In India, I have to go 300 kms away, trek for 20 kms into un-explored jungles to be left alone, away from noise, crowds & filth. Here, everywhere I was alone! Luckily, loneliness is something I've conquered permanently, so it felt real good!

Very posh cars, crore rupee houses, every conceivable gadget from the ipod to the blackberry to the thinkpad, internet shopping mania...how hard I'd striven a couple of years back to get away from all this & more! And get away I had...shunning gadgets for the most part, travelling by bus/auto, disliking shopping...a very different world that's called home in India. I felt quite sick in the stomach reliving my past or retracing the memories. It never felt like home, the comfort level never was the same. This became obvious even in one of the legs of the flight back home which was filled with Indians from India - much more comfortable & noisier.

Here's a quick financial analysis of costs in bangalore vs a cheap place in US:
House - 100 K vs 40 lakh Rs
A pair of jeans - 15$ vs 2000 Rs
Car - 20k$ vs 8 lakh Rs
Fuel - 0.6$ vs 50 Rs
Food at a good restaurant - 15$ vs 500 Rs
Intl. rock concert - 80$ vs 2500 Rs
Air ticket - 200$ vs 10K Rs
Hotel stay - 30$ vs 1000 Rs
SALARY - 60K$ vs 5-8 lakh Rs
These are just indicative & average costs, but it's obvious to anybody that cost of living in India is NOT cheap compared to the US. On an average the cost is about 70-100% of US living costs, while the salary is 10-50% of US levels! SHOCKING! Which freaking moron got that idea into people's heads I wonder! The outsourcing companies just take Indians for a ride paying half or lesser salaries & we take it all lying down. How is this different from the time the Britishers occupied India & took us for a ride? This is the corporate way of exploitation in the name of upward mobility. Creating a chasm between classes, destroying the moral fabric with lure of money, upsetting the work-life balance & so on!

It all became clear to me in a flash. It's much easier being happy in India since I'm so heavily conditioned. However, the advantages of being in the US for a while are easy to see. Lot of savings. Great career advantage & opportunities. Chance to travel internationally & visit expensive places. But in the end, there's nothing like being able to take a leak on the road when you want to, having a masala dosa when you need to or just putting beat with old friends in familiar gullies! The simple pleasures in exchange for all the gold & glory!

In the end, all this only matters & seems to matter when the mind comes into being every now & then. Else, it's clear this is just a dream!

Having a blast!

2005-11-08T03:47:00.000-08:00

Last week was a momentous time of celebration & revelry. Taking just 1 day off, I had 9 days of holidays at a stretch. All plans of travel to various places including some treks were spoiled by rain, Naxal fear (among forest officials, not me!), infectious diseases & infectious un-enthusiasm! Thus, I had so much time on my hands & no plans what so ever. It brought back fond memories of good old school summer holidays. Many a hot & weary day those days was spent simply waking up late, eating, reading books, sleeping & meeting friends. I realized how much I've NOT grown up when these holidays were spent in exactly the same way!

Deepavali the festival of lights woke me up from my slumber & laziness, with a bang! Heeding no attention to my parents, friends & 'green' well wishers who're all up in arms against the innocuous, pristine act of celebrating the joy of a festival, I splurged on pataakis (crackers or fireworks). With great gusto, joined by my brother, I burst hydrogen bombs, eerulli bombs, Lakshmi pataakis, flowerpots, bhu-chakras & many of their kind.

It was obvious that the kids next door were outdone by a huge margin. Every kid I spoke to seemed brain washed by so called morally conscientious teachers & parents - creating zombie like robots, with the childhood innocence & joy sucked out with a vacuum cleaner! People had all kinds of reasons to stay away:
'I pity poor kids toiling in inhuman conditions to make crackers' said the housewife who makes her young maid toil 16 hrs a day.
'Why burn money' said a stock market shark.
'Donate to the poor & under privileged' said another who'd never spared a rupee for the crippled beggar.
'How can you pollute the environment' said one whose bike & lips double up as a chimney!
'I hate the noise pollution' said the fella who's custom fitted his car with ear splitting horn, reverse horn, brake horn & stereo.

I suddenly realized:
I make way too much money in my current job...gotta burn some,
I breathe such clean purified air in Bangalore...gotta pollute some,
I live in deafening silence...gotta make some noise!

Some 'grown-ups' (of my age, no more!) had simply lost enthusiasm - for crackers they said; for life in general & for having fun I surmised.
O dear friend, why hast thou grown up so,
grown to not laugh at a pj,
to not have fun doing nothing,
to not enjoy the early morning dew on the red rose?
How often do you get a chance to reclaim your lost innocence?
How often do you get to relive un-adulterated moments of pleasure?
How often do you get to step into a time machine?!!
How often are you reminded of the victory of good over evil,
of opposites in creation,
of darkness & light,
of mythical legendary stories?

To hell with the anti-fireworks brigand, the so called morally concerned, the so called environmentally sensitive, the hypocrites and everyone out to debase the culture & traditions!
Ah, the simple pleasure of speaking out your mind in your cyber-space!
Ah, the simple joy of celebrating life in the name of celebrating a festival!

Living in my own sweet world

2005-10-19T05:06:00.000-07:00

Worlds they exist aplenty
Mine, your's, his, her's
Countless in number, too many to fathom.
A world for each human, creature, each particle too!
Each one different & unique,
Limited by imagination alone.
Existing uniquely, simultaneously,
Seemingly interacting and influencing one another,
Like water mixing with oil!
Obvious this should be,
For, is there anything at all
That you & me agree upon?
That you & me find the same,
No matter what!
I continue to live in my own sweet world
No matter what happens to yours!

Anandanubhava - The anniversary!

2005-10-18T04:57:00.000-07:00

It has been just over a year since I started this blog. The first post was on
Thursday, September 30, 2004. Since then there have been 22 posts spread over about 54 weeks - that's almost a post every fortnight. When I started writing, I was doubtful whether I would have the enthusiasm & ideas to keep updating it. By some strange coincidences, I've never had a dearth of things to blog about :-). The viewership has ranged from the regular friends who follow the musings to the occasional search that leads people to this blog! Some of the search strings have been as weird as "where do banyan tree grow", "Ishavasya Upanishad" to as common as "kannadiga"! It has really helped that the Google bots crawled favourably over the site! Either way, visitors are always welcome to the blog, just like they're welcome to my home! The blog has helped reach out & keep in touch with friends who care to read & provided an outlet for me to keep penning my thoughts, sometimes in poetry form.

Anandanubhava is simply Ananda Anubhava - blissful experience. It also means Anand's experiences :-). Either way, I've tried to indulge in the true nature of this 'self' titled person !!!

Life has begun to come a full circle - from seeking & searching hither-thither to realizing there is nothing to be done, nothing to be sought. Everything just exists -what we sense, don't sense, think of as nonsense, never imagined & beyond. And each of us, (actually there is only one!) is in reality that everything. So simple that it is so very hard to digest.

O Kannadiga, Jogi is here!

2005-09-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

The weekend saw me watching the much awaited blockbuster Kannada movie 'Jogi'. Having bought tickets in 'black' paying more than double, my friend & I got conned into sitting in the opposite ends of Navarang theatre!! We got the numbering all mixed up & had to face goonda like audience staring at us to get up! Made me wonder if Jogi was being shown on the screen or in the seats!

The movie is very fast paced - reminds me of the time I spent glued to the seat while reading 'Da Vinci Code'. There's a nice peppering of catchy, foot tapping numbers all through the movie. Yana does her bit, getting drenched for no reason other than satisfying appetites! The heroine looks dull - wonder why we need to import scrawny pale faced women from other states, when such buxom Kannada speaking ones exist if you look hard enough in Karnataka ;-). Shivarajkumar has given a stellar, powerful performance in the movie. Almost makes you think he's better suited to be a jogi type figure in real life than a reel life guy! The tear jerker scenes are necessary - adds some moisture to the atmosphere & some salt to the cheeks!!! The portrayal through the movie is authentic - it's the parts of life I've completely missed out on & glad I did!

O kannadiga...or anybody who knows words like yeno, maga, hogo, baaro, sketch, finish - go see this today. This reaffirms my faith that Sandalwood (that's what the Kannada film industry is supposed to be called, as goes Bollywood, Mollywood....) will survive - Veerappan or no Veerappan :-)).

'A' watched the movie - as he's done before... watching movies that seem interesting. I watch 'A' as he goes through life, focusing on the sensory inputs of people, places, happenings...like a lens that focuses the Sun rays!

Of lamps & lights

2005-08-22T02:47:00.000-07:00

Lighting the lamp as a symbolic gesture is a part of every conceivable Indian festival or prayer routine. Every time I gaze at this innocuous corner of my house, many useful insights develop. The comparisons run deep between this seemingly mundane act & evolutionary progress.

A lit lamp is like a liberated person. The lamp can light other lamps - the enlightened one can guide others!

It doesn't matter how bright the lamp shines - as long as it's lit. The brighter it shines, the farther the light can be seen. Similarly, some liberated individuals shine bright enough for their fame to spread across continents & gather many disciples. On the other hand, some are so dimly lit that not even their neighbours or family are aware of their status! Never the less, they're all the same - dispellers of ignorance (darkness).

The oil used to feed the light is like karma or un-fulfilled desires. It has to get exhausted. Sometimes, before the entire oil is exhausted, the light gets extinguished & has to be re-kindled. Similarly, if a person dies with desires unsatiated, he'll be reborn again & again till there is none left.

The wick that bears the fire is like the body-mind complex. Only when suitably conditioned can it light up. When the winds of ignorance or the dirt of desires clouds the wick, darkness again engulfs the lamp! For a jeevan-mukta, the wick burns to ashes, emptying the oil at the end of life.

Perhaps a poem would've done justice to this, but I don't feel like being a poet now :). Though this analogy holds on many aspects as above, any sampling of the infinite is bound to be finite & incomplete.

An ode to thee

2005-07-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

Keeping me company all night long
With me when I'm all alone and bored
Without whom I would shrivel up
Like a leaf with no root in the desert!
The eternal love of my life
Who makes me yearn so dearly
For the moment I can be with her
Seducing me when I'm all occupied
She envelopes me like the morning mist
That descends on the sullen sunflower.
We exchange no words, nor gifts
In powerful images and silence we speak
Making me scream with fear
Making me dream with joy
Only to be told it’s not all real!
She’s the one everyone ‘Dies’ to be with,
In blissful union happily forever.
O Lady Sleep, of, by and for you I exist!

Watchless....nearly timeless!

2005-06-15T03:23:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been an experience in trying to be 'independent'. A common occurrence like my watch strap nearly getting cut led me to abandon the habit of wearing a watch. It is only when something you're always used to goes amiss that the extent of dependence is realized! The watch had become a part of me, my hand, so much so that even when I was not wearing it I would glance at my wrist just to see the miraculous digital numbers! Gradually, in spite of the 'naayi baala donku' wisdom, this habit got broken.

The significance of this cannot be understated. When trying to break free from time & space, to live in unbounded freedom, to live moment by moment, the watch is the greatest enemy. Each time the spirit soars to the realm beyond all this, the watch rudely brings one back to the mundane. Like for instance, reminding that 30 more minutes need to be spent in a sardine can, breathing carbon monoxide & enjoying the scenic traffic formations outside. Of course, all is not hunky dory without the instrument. When a lot of events in the organized world hang by the minute, one cannot afford to be lax. Fortunately or unfortunately, there's always some or the other reminder at hand that saves the day!

In the jungle, all order is in chaos alone! On one of those treks, the leader ordered us all...mostly well fed city dwellers, with lots of noisy & gaudy gadgets, to conceal them all for the reminder of the trek (2-3 days!). Here there were no buses to catch (or miss), no meetings to attend, nothing at all that needed following the GMT order. Purely by instinct, like animals we lived. Eating when hungry, sleeping when sleepy & walking when you felt like it. The sun provided some clues, but we were mostly in the shadow of clouds. Those 2 days were out of this civilized world, more so because we'd really broken free of self imposed shackles!!! Other than day, night & a vague sense of approaching day or approaching night, nothing else mattered.

Taking this one step forward, can you imagine if we lived without ANY reminder of time, not even the Sun. On Earth, this would be feasible in the polar regions, where for 6 months the sun shines not. If I can travel there, I would be a willing guinea pig in this thought experiment. Lack of all sense of space is easier that way...once, in total darkness in a room, nothing was visible, not even my own body! It was then very much unclear where I began & where I ended!!! It was extremely easy to visualize a bodyless me. In fact it appears that light or lack of it is being responsible for both time & space constraints. In a way, 'freedom' is about really unlearning everything that we know about the empirical Universe...

Why weep?

2005-06-06T02:20:00.000-07:00

Weep not for the one who sleeps
Weep for the one who doesn't
Weep not for the one who dies
Weep for the one who doesn't

White hill colour lord

2005-05-31T02:56:00.000-07:00

Feeling one with everything is the goal. To that end, I can say it is hardest to achieve when doing mundane (or sometimes interesting) activities that happen daily - like work, commuting, shopping, reading, etc. That's when the mind is very much required to process details & be on high alert.

Being with nature like on a trek or on a wildlife tour is blissful because the mind just drops away. Then there is no limitation of being distinct from everything else. That’s been one of my main motivations for going on treks & trips!

White hill colour lord stands for Biligiri Rangaswamy – that’s right, I’d been to the Jungle Lodges resort at BR Hills with 2 other friends. We had 2 fun filled days (& nights!) out in the wild, all the while enjoying 5 start luxury. It is hard to believe – but there’s toilet paper in the toilets, hot water, electricity & even fewer mosquitoes & insects than in my own home in the city! All this comes at a steep price, but that’s the price you pay for wanting to get away, yet retain useless things. Being a wildlife sanctuary we sighted sambar (not of the rasam fame!), spotted deer, barking deer, wild boar, gaur, elephant, jungle fowl, bear & birds like serpent eagle (one of the most powerful birds of prey), white fishing eagle, 2 types of woodpeckers, Malabar whistling thrush (the male whistles beautifully to attract the female – perhaps humans took a cue from this?). We spotted most of these animals & birds both on the jeep safari & the treks, but being in close unguarded quarters with animals is a whole new experience. A lot of the crowd at JLR was composed of very noisy kids, noisy engineers & few like us too lazy to make noise. The disappointment was that we couldn’t see a tiger or leopard out in the wild – these are nocturnal, shy creatures not exactly people friendly. However, we did see 1 day old tiger shit & felt happy imagining seeing the tiger shitting in the wild!

One afternoon on the trip, I was feeling very active but my lazy friends were lying around on the bed doing nothing. There were plenty of butterflies doing the rounds in front of our hut. I felt attracted towards one particularly beautiful & exotic yellow butterfly with a green eye shaped design. I went out & stood silently. Wonder of wonders – the butterfly came & settled on my chappal clad foot! It was prettier from close quarters & I thought this was a one off incident. But gosh – it kept getting attracted to me so many times! Truly it was no coincidence, but love at first sight. Romancing the butterfly was much better than any human emotions…there were no words, no sense organs involved, nothing unnecessary…just pure love. I could even feel a sense of attachment, however slight & brief! All in all, an extremely touching experience :)

ooDu Bengaluru...ooDU

2005-05-20T01:21:00.000-07:00

Run Bangalore, run! The ads exhorted one to run. Run for your life, for your wife, to chase dreams, run from dogs, from troubles, run behind girls...I've added some of my own here, but this ad was one hell of a creative one! I had a couple of friends running & got plenty of tips from experts & enthu to participate.

Deciding not to hurt my poor knees & in keeping with my super-fit status, I decided to run the 'celebration run' for 7 km. With sufficient training & will power, I might've made it to the 21 km half-marathon. But like most things in my life, I just decided to celebrate, without stretching myself, without competing, without slogging for it, just for the fun of it!
On a hot, sultry Sunday morning, I turned up along with hordes of masses at Kanteerava Stadium. I even met some long lost friends & caught sight of strangely familiar & nameless people. The excitement & heat were at an all time high. Masses of apple & pear shaped corporate workers turned up proudly in company sponsored shorts, shoes, t-shirts & who knows what else :).

The run started off smoothly. It was an amazing experience running with so many people on the streets whose tar I've rarely seen in recent years - thanks to dense traffic jams!!! Like Forrest Gump says, I ran cause I just felt like it. Nothing more to it. I do many things that baffle people, just cause I feel like it. What can be easier or harder to understand? Lots of people sprinted, only to huff & puff & walk wearily...again sprinting like a deer! I paced myself, huffing & puffing all along, but always a runner, never a walker. The only competitor was myself - this might be more apparents in longer distances. Then, it was all over. The sweat drenched t-shirt, certificate, bib number & fond memories kept me company for a while!

I've been running atleast once/twice a week for about 3 km..or try to! I find running has the maximum benefit/time ratio. Just 15 minutes everyday can release oodles of endorphins. For me, all other activities like gymming created an instant distaste. Dependant on none but my own legs, it's one of the things that's kept me from bloating like a balloon! If any of you happen to read this, I urge you to participate in a marathon to have an unforgettable experience.

Aptha mithra

2005-04-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

Every year the Kannada movie industry manages to exceed expectations atleast once! It is precisely this glimmer of hope that keeps the Kannada fanatics on track - and why not? Insult to sensibilities can be gross in the form of defacing boards, or subtle in the form of snobbishly adopting Tamil, English or Hindi. Either way, it is one set of people transgressing the boundaries of another. For this, the people protesting in gross ways should never be blamed. There are distinctions in the pursuits of people, as widely seen among people in pursuit of physical perfection, intellectuals and spiritual seekers. This manifests in the hobbies, attitude and every walk of life! Having said this, it is obvious that physical crimes are the easiest to spot and punish while intellectual crimes often go unnoticed. As long as the intent behind any action is borne in mind, a level playing field is ensured.

Coming back to the movie, it's definitely worth atleast 1 watch. The storyline is gripping, the thrill is always palpable and the songs leave you stuck with tunes to hum. There are gems like "Experience has to be experienced, it cannot be explained" which I totally agree. There is another memorable incident where things are totally beyond control & all he can say is "the rest is left to God". Vishnuvardhan is a psychic who can read people's minds in this movie - something that is longer unbelievable! The theme of the movie is spirit possession, called in medical terminology as split personality I think. There are a set of modern scientific sceptics and some spiritual/religious folks with certain powers in this movie. I've heard its a definite possibility, even in this modern world :)). Basically, some spirit (set of emotions, likes/dislikes, habits in the form of energy) of a person who died a sudden death can possess somebody weak minded who has a strong karmic link with the dead person. What happens is, the set of energies of the dead person (remember - energy is neither created nor destroyed!) takes the body of the living person. Very intriguing I must say. Google for spirit possession and you'll not be disappointed. The best part of the movie is, it can be watched on many levels - something all great movies such as Matrix share. Depending on how you watched it, you may end up scared - so beware!!!

A wish....and it comes true

2005-04-21T05:40:00.000-07:00

Thats true! No wishing well required here! All our desires are self fulfilling prophecies. There is no option but for the desire to come true. It doesn't appear to be so only because there is a time-space barrier between the moment of desire & the actual appearance of fulfillment. My wish to become a Nobel laureate if strong enough may need several lifetimes for my intellect to develop sufficiently & then, if the prize still exists it will surely be mine!!!
However, there's a catch here - if my desire to become a lazy cow-herd is greater than the desire for a Nobel prize, the stronger one prevails.
Thus, here I am caught in between these two extreme desires, an oscillating hybrid that doesn't always make sense to me either. Realizing the futility of such unrest makes one want to remain free of desires - life goes on just as comfy without explicitly wishing for it!

Think of dropping a stone into water. The heavier the water is, the faster it sinks to the bottom by it's own weight. Similarly, the stronger the desire, the faster it reaches it's destination.

I wish to be no stone, but water in water :)

A walk....

2005-03-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

I go on these walks around Sankey tank every weekend. The cool evening around the water is so soothing. No wonder multitudes throng this place - kids, parents, serious walkers/joggers, blissful couples, groups of noisy friends, taekwondo & yoga practitioners..you name it! Everybody goes around the track - some finish 5 laps, some struggle to complete one. People walk at their own pace - some furious with a sense of accomplishment, some with lay abandon, perhaps knowing that everyone indeed completes it at some point of time! You can choose to take a break in between and let the atmosphere sink in. Some parts are enjoyable, some are too crowded & noisy. Sometimes when walking or jogging with a purpose to 'exercise' I keep looking forward to the completion & somehow it is not very enjoyable. When I come with no purpose at all, walk so slowly that 80 yr olds can overtake me with ease...then it seems there is no end, but only the one current step ! What joy!

The banyan tree

2005-03-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

Strong are the roots that bind me
To this ground that I consider my own
Spreading far and wide are these branches
Each springing a root of it's own
As I spread farther and farther
The original that started it all strengthens
I grow stronger with every springing branch
No wind, hurricane or rain can uproot me
Seems I'm blessed to be this banyan tree
Holding on firmly to where I came from
Imbibing distant ideals to keep on growing
Knowing death scarce, from generation to generation
I cling on to the same old place
But, how will I conquer other worlds
With these roots entrenched so firmly?
Now I know, this is a curse, disguised as a blessing !
Now I wait for the wind so strong
That will uproot me and carry me away
To the far off lands, far off worlds
So the learning can continue,
In another world, another time.

What's common to money....and air ?

2005-02-14T00:27:00.000-08:00

Plenty if you ask me ! Here's a broad level comparison that seems to hold on many grounds :

- Money is like air, in that it's required to live life. Just like air, if not kept in circulation money is worthless by itself. They are just means to an end.
- Both are of no use to a dead person, nor can they be carried over. No amount of air can save an ailing/dying person; no money has been known to buy happiness.
- When polluted both tend to get "black". Blackened form of either is dangerous !
- The faster you run, the more air you need. Similarly, the faster paced life you lead, more money you spend and vice-versa.
- Montain dwellers lead a good or better life than the plains people, surviving on much less air; People accustomed to the rarified spiritual heights require no more than a minimal amount of money.
- Family people are like swimmers immersed in water, exhausting the supply of air (money) and coming up every now and then for a breath of fresh air ! No matter how many times they come up, they go down again and again thus repeating the cycle.

With some imagination, I'm sure many more can be found...

Orchestra of sorts

2005-02-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

I attended a concert last week, the details of which are unimportant here. The music, ambience, artists were all good...as I've experienced many times in the past with other concerts. There was something mighty unusual in the way I listened ! Normally I tend to focus on the vocals, or whichever instrument I like. The rest of the instruments given less importance (by me) sound in the background of my mind. But this time, I was able to perceive the entire music as a whole, without concentrating on any particular instrument. With everything in consonance, the music just flowed...like a river in which you can't see the separate drops of water. At the same time, I discovered that I could listen to each instrument in all it's individual glory. A wonderful experience sprung forth from this deeper appreciation for something quite mundane. Another aspect that struck me was that silence always remained at the background, whether there was music or not. Silence, a mute spectator never seemed to get involved in the concert, yet it stood still as a mountain, being a firm foundation !

I began to realize what a profound significance this has. Life is like that too. Drawn by likes, repelled by dislikes we focus only on particular aspects of existence, without enjoying everything, all at once. Like the silence aspect, Brahman remains the firm foundation upon which entire creation rests, but like silence, it never gets involved in anything !

Like the concert, how many such wise teachers exist surrounding every moment of our life. If only we would listen ! Where did this new found knowledge arise from ? Did it come from the ambience, the musicians, the music or myself ?! Neither - it always existed...with all these only serving to remove ignorance thus exposing existence of knowledge.

A shloka that comes to mind is :

Om purnam-adah purnam-idam
purnaat purnam-udacyate
purnasya purnam-aadaya,
purnam-eva-avashishyate

Taken from the Ishavasya Upanishad it literally means "That is complete, this is complete. From that completeness comes this completeness. Take away this completeness from that completeness, only completeness remains"

Every experience is complete in itself, appearing incomplete due to our focus shifting to particular aspects !

Hey, are you OK?

2005-01-28T01:24:00.000-08:00

This is one of the reactions of my friends on reading this blog ! A tinge of sarcasm & humour colours this question. Answering on the same note, I can say I've never been OK, but maybe closer to getting there. There is no need for concern on hearing the reply if one listens with philosophical ears.

We humans are a strange species resting on our laurels of conquering the planet earth, lording over every other inhabitant. From our narrow perspectives we can convince ourselves that we are all doing OK, immersed in the mundane nitty gritties of life. What about the bigger questions of knowing the mysteries of the entire Universe ? It is obvious that even the greatest scientist ever on earth has only understood a very tiny portion of the entire knowledge that is in existence. No matter the leaps & bounds progress of science & technology, these are like drops of water in the ocean of existence. On being posed these questions, most people either brush it off or appear truly unconcerned. Relativity in it's glory shines forth for I cant help being totally surprised at their answer, while they cant help being equally surprised on my question ! That being said, I think there is no denying the fact that _everybody_ at some moment, however fleeting it might be tend to wonder deeper than their current existence. Getting unnerved, it is very easy to brush off, but never erased it keeps coming back like the relentlessly bloodthirsty mosquito to your ear !

Coming back to the question of Science & technological progress, as a kid I was a firm believer in that alone. Slowly, after 2 decades of witnessing the snail like progress of Science, disappointment set in. Will I ever know or even read about the mysteries of the Universe ? Will I ever in this lifetime meet the aliens on distant galaxies ? If not me, will anybody in the not too distant future get these answers ? It seems very unlikely ! Read about dark matter (or missing mass problem) at http://epo.sonoma.edu/duo/science/cosmos.html & other sites & you'll soon find out that all the Physics, Chemistry, Maths, technology that's been drilled into our heads can't even explain 5% of the Universe ! Isn't that great - most of the Universe does not even follow the laws of the greatest earth born Physicist or Chemist !!! Science is useful, it allows us to spend time & money in relativistic pursuits. But it should be treated as a very small subset of spirituality (reality), without excluding belief in the current unknown.
Perhaps the answer to these profound questions lies in another simple question - do I need to taste all the water in the oceans, rivers, lakes just to know the nature of water ?

Do the surface waves cease to exist in the deep ocean ? Why remain at the surface alone...when I can as well be a deep sea diver rising to the surface as I wish, enjoying equally the sky through the surface & the deep sea dark !!! If you see the connection of this to the start (or topic) of this posting, look in the mirror and ask yourself "Am I OK?"

Blog Buddies

2005-01-03T01:47:00.000-08:00

Everyone's blogging these days. It's a great way to network & know what's going on with your friends. Those of you who know me might know some of my friends too, so here's a guide to my friend's blogs (will update the list as I find more..). Hope this will encourage the tardy ones to be more regular !

1. http://tuck06.blogspot.com/ by Krishna Hegde. Very regularly updated.
"This is an attempt to chronicle my experience at the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth. As I go through two years of learning, making new friends, living in a different country this blog will be my online diary."

2. http://noizrulz.blogspot.com/ by Ajay Shenoy. Very regularly updated.
"just flowin thoughts..."

3. http://www.geocities.com/prashthy/ by Prashant Murthy. Quite regularly updated.
Personal webpage with blog like content.

4. http://unblogs.blogspot.com/ by Nithin Nagaraj. Updated once in a while.
"I am a shadow in a flood of photons and you need photons to see me."

5. http://random001.blogspot.com/ by Prashanth Kota. Updated once in a while.
"In hope that blogging will bring some order to the otherwise randomness in my thoughts."

6. http://whiteboardwarrior.blogspot.com/ by Gautham Chundi & friends. Updated once in a while.
"Like the title suggests, there's no particular theme or recurring idea here. Its pretty much anything that catches my fancy. So here goes"

7. http://premms.blogspot.com/ by Premchandra Shankar. Only one post...for the heck of it !

8. http://andysen.blogspot.com by Anandraj Sengupta. "Musings". Newly started with one great post !

A new year..a new lease of life

2005-01-02T22:01:00.000-08:00

As 2005 dawns upon the world, I can't help wonder about some fortunate happenings towards the end of last year.

Desperate to get away from Bangalore during the last week of Dec. 04, a few of us were planning on a trip to Andaman & Nicobar. Being last minute planners, we could only find bookings aboard the ship, but not the flight. Being stuck for 5 days on a ship with everyone's insides coming outside didn't excite me too much making me the only spoke in the wheel. Somehow, inspite of all my friend's enthu this trip got shelved. The other destination we looked at was Sri Lanka, the beachy paradise. This trip too got junked due to the high costs at that time of the year - prohibitive for the rupee earning non-management folks like us ! Finally we tripp'ed to God's own country (Kerala) - a most enjoyable pleasure filled 5 days, but that's beside the point I'm trying to make here.

Every TDH (Tom-Dick-Harry or Thimmaiah-Deepak-Hari) knows the catastrophic events during the last week of Dec. 04. During the weeks preceding the Tsunami disaster, we were very despondent looking at all our travel plans getting botched. Reminiscing about the chain of events that saved us from turning into debris in the Indian ocean, "fate" or "karma" functioning behind every occurrence in our life becomes lucidly apparent. It was just not meant for us to die young ! Though, it is a very sad plight for the lakhs of people who met with watery graves...& their bereaving families, continuing thinking along same lines, these people MUST have been responsible in some remote past for the happenings today. This appears cruel & unsympathetic, but the laws nevertheless function irrespective of what you or I feel. The universe cannot be a chaotic, random system, cause the very fact that it exists proves otherwise. Even a fool can see the connection between events in time & space.

This raises the age old debate of "fate" vs. "free-will". My fate is my own free-will exercised previously - I may or may not know this & hence choose to hide it conveniently under "destiny" that is beyond control ! These appear to be archaic moth eaten textbook fundas until you experience it & reflect on the same - as appears above. There is further complication. Can I accomplish ANYTHING with my free-will ? That is impossible because anything I do always conflicts with somebody else's free will, perhaps in such a minute way as to be indiscernible. How much control did I have in planning my trip ??

As we ignorant humans spend our entire energies planning & preparing for future events it only during these times when all the cutting edge technology cannot save the world that we sit back & think deeper.

Is this blog post meant to be published & read ? Or did I choose to do so explicitly ? The clue perhaps lies in the answer to this question - do the characters in your dream have control over what's happening in the dream ? Do YOU have control then ? If neither, who does then ? In any case, who is the YOU during this phase ? :))

Think....think.....& it will only help you realize the futility of thinking. Experience, experience & words are like fleeting, ever changing reflections on the water !
Post your comments & let me know what you "think" ... :D

When time tires...eternity beckons

2004-10-14T03:27:00.000-07:00

In the desert sands I roam
I have no hearth nor home
No sense of direction have I
For I follow my own footsteps
Round and round I go
Deeper and deeper into my own
So clear is the route
That I lose not my way
Beginning there was none, but end I crave for
My feet ache and my senses cry
The experience has become dry
Then come the showers
A saviour just in time
These waters and winds of fate
Erase the tracks I thought mine to keep
No longer can I follow
There are no paths that lead
I stand rooted, mountain like
The journey has ended, where it began
Travel and time there have been none
Ceasing to exist, all but one.

The states...

2004-10-11T04:39:00.000-07:00

Am I awake or only dreaming ?
In dreams I glimpse a taste of reality
In reality I dream my dreams
Life and death are but mirages
Shimmering in the scorching sun
It's not mine to deny the fun
Thundering come the clouds
Casting a shadow on the glory of light
Helter-skelter run the mirages
Sheltering behind storms of ignorance
Who cares for this interplay ?
Not the sun, not the clouds, not the storms
An orchestra with no audience
Endless performance with no applause
Unceasing repitition with clockwork precision
Thus turn the wheels of time
Sparing none in their grind
Save the sole eternal witness
I wake up - only to realize I'd been dreaming !

A life less lived

2004-10-11T04:05:00.000-07:00

The eyes see, but I don't look.
The ears hear, but I don't listen.
The fingers touch thee, but I dont feel.
The scent wafts in air, but I don't smell.
The tongue eats, but I don't taste.
When the mind no longer is
Then the elements cease
When boundaries blur
Then you and me are but one
What more needs to be done ?

We are all numbers

2004-09-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

The infinite creation is comparable to the infinite number line. We the finite body/mind units are like sets of numbers - modulo sets. Say I am a set mod 5. Everything that I do is comparable to any operation on this set. Ultimately the result is always a mod 5 number - this being the law of karma. This limitation of mod 5, mod 6, mod X is self imposed - just like in the number line there is no real or permanent criteria creating this subset. Once this limitation or ignorance is removed, any operation on any number is again a number - and this number already exists as part of the infinite number line. Proceeding along the same analogy, every number already exists - it is just a matter of time in we knowing the result of any operation. Thus, everything already exists, meaning there is no real invention or creation anew by humans - only discovery of one finite aspect by another finite aspect !
The question to ponder here is about different kinds of infinities. Say there is a real number set between 0 to 5. This is infinite, but does not include all numbers..or so we think. Perhaps at infinity it goes beyond the limits of 0 and 5 ? What is the relation between different types of infinities ?
There is another interesting analogy I read in a book : the number 0 is like a circle that is the universe we see and experience. Like a circle that expands from a dimensionless point, this has taken birth from the dimensionless consciousness. The universe like the 0 has no value. Put a 1 to have 01 or 10 and there is value - similarly, the universe without the underlying reality has no value apart from it. Just like all natural numbers can be got from 1, everything is a manifestation in different forms of Brahman.
Let me know what you think about all this :)

The first post

2004-09-30T05:07:00.000-07:00

No amount of travel..worldwide or even to the moon, Mars or other galaxies can remove the limitations of time and space !